Worth the Wait (Series)

Can we live together before marriage? Is sex before marriage okay? What does the Bible actually say? In this series, we’ll tackle these questions and more as we explore God’s design for sex, dating, and marriage.

Podcasts + Discipleship: Click to Learn How to Use PursueGOD

PursueGOD is a new kind of discipleship curriculum for an increasingly complicated world. We use podcasts on a variety of topics to offer no-nonsense answers to everyday questions. Then we organize these podcasts into series so you can use them to make disciples at church, home, or in the world. Here’s how it works:

  1. Pick a series from our homepage. There's plenty to choose from!
  2. Each series contains multiple lessons. Click on the numbered tabs to open each lesson.
  3. Start by listening to the podcast on your own, before you meet as a group. Take notes as needed, and listen again if it helps. Consider starting a discipleship journal to track what you're learning.
  4. Meet as a group to talk through what you learned from the podcast. Each lesson includes shownotes, talking points, and discussion questions. Click on the # tab to explore additional topics.
  5. Listen to the podcast above for more helpful tips or check out one of our many training series.

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Is It OK for Christians to Live Together Before They Get Married?

Posted: May 18, 2016

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Is It OK for Christians to Live Together Before They Get Married?

Cohabitation has become the new normal in today’s culture. Many couples choose to move in together before marriage for financial reasons, emotional closeness, or just to “test compatibility.” But what does the Bible actually say about it? Is it ever okay for Christians to live together before they tie the knot?

This conversation isn’t just about shared rent or shared groceries—it’s about how we honor God with our bodies, relationships, and choices. At the heart of the issue is the biblical view of sex, commitment, and holiness.

The Bible’s Design for Sex and Marriage

From Genesis to Revelation, Scripture consistently presents sex as a gift designed to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Marriage is more than a social contract—it’s a sacred covenant that reflects Christ’s love for the church.

Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) says, “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” In other words, God takes marriage seriously—and He calls His people to honor it.

Living together without being married puts couples in a position that often leads to sexual compromise. Even if sex isn’t happening yet, cohabitation creates an appearance and opportunity for sexual immorality, which Scripture warns against.

Sexual Sin in the New Testament

The New Testament speaks clearly and frequently about sexual sin. The Greek word often translated as “sexual immorality” is porneia, a broad term that refers to any sexual activity outside the covenant of marriage. This would include premarital sex, adultery, incest, prostitution, and more.

Jesus used the word in Matthew 15:19 (NLT):

“For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.”

The Apostle Paul was equally clear in his letters to the early church:
1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT) says,

“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.”

Galatians 5:19 (NLT) warns,

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures…”

In New Testament times, the Greco-Roman culture was steeped in sexual promiscuity. Premarital sex and extramarital affairs were common and even celebrated in some circles. Christians were called to be radically different. Paul’s repeated commands for sexual purity were countercultural then, just as they are now.

Does the Bible Forbid Premarital Sex?

Though the Bible doesn’t contain a modern-day phrase like “don’t have sex before marriage,” it does use clear moral language. Sexual immorality (porneia) is always condemned, and the only sexual activity that is celebrated in Scripture is that which happens inside a marriage covenant.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 (NLT) says,

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.”

Living together before marriage almost always places couples outside of God’s will for sexual holiness. The Bible gives no category for followers of Jesus living like they’re married without the covenant of marriage itself.

It’s an Issue of Future Trust

Consider this. When you’re married, do you plan on cheating on your spouse? Hopefully not. But here’s something to think about—if you’re okay with sleeping with someone who isn’t your spouse before you get married, what’s stopping you from doing it again afterward?

Today that person might be your boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiancée. A few years from now, it could be a coworker or neighbor. Choosing sexual integrity now lays the foundation for faithfulness later. It builds trust that you’ll continue to honor God and your spouse for the long haul.

Don’t Forget: Love Is a Choice

Don’t forget the first principle of a healthy marriage: love is a choice, not just a feeling. You can start making that choice today. Choosing to honor God as a couple before you get married will pay huge dividends after you say “I do.” Be faithful to God, and choose to be faithful to one another—starting now.

Talking Points:
  • The Bible presents marriage as the only proper context for sexual intimacy. Hebrews 13:4
  • The Greek word “porneia” refers to any sexual activity outside of marriage and is consistently condemned throughout the New Testament. Matthew 15:19, 1 Corinthians 6:18
  • The early church resisted the sexual norms of Greco-Roman society, embracing holiness and honoring God with their bodies. Galatians 5:19
  • Even if a couple living together isn’t having sex, the appearance of sin and temptation are still real issues. Christians are called to live above reproach. 1 Thessalonians 4:3
  • Your current choices shape future trust. Being sexually faithful now trains you to be faithful in marriage later.

Discussion:

  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?

  2. Why do you think cohabitation is so normalized in today’s culture? How does that impact Christians trying to follow God’s design?

  3. What does “porneia” teach us about how God views sex outside of marriage?

  4. How does your present behavior influence your ability to build future trust in a relationship?

  5. What are some of the potential consequences (relational, spiritual, emotional) of living together before marriage?

  6. If someone you care about is living with their partner before marriage, how would you lovingly speak truth into their situation?

  7. What steps can you take in your own life to honor God with your body, your relationships, and your sexuality?

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Save Your Relationship from Sex

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Why It’s Worth Saving Your Relationship from Sex

The Bible is clear: true followers of Jesus are called to flee from sexual immorality—including sex before marriage. That’s not just a command; it’s a pathway to deeper love, greater clarity, and long-term trust.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.”

Whether you’re dating, engaged, or starting over, it’s never too late to hit “reset” and honor God with your relationship. Here’s why saving your relationship from sex might be the best thing you ever do:

  • Sex clouds your judgment. It creates a false sense of intimacy that can keep you from seeing each other clearly. True intimacy comes from emotional connection, not just physical closeness.

  • Sex doesn’t make her feel more loved. Saving your relationship from sex proves you care about her heart, not just her body. She’ll know you’re in it for something deeper.

  • Sex now affects trust later. Hebrews 13:4 reminds us that marriage is to be honored by all. Choosing purity today builds a foundation of faithfulness for tomorrow.

Hebrews 13:4 (NLT)
“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

You don’t need a new relationship—just a new commitment. Start today.

Talking Points:
  • The Bible teaches that true followers of Jesus will flee from sexual immorality, and that includes sex before marriage. It’s never too late to hit “reset” on your relationship and commit to sexual purity. 1 Corinthians 6:18
  • Sex clouds your judgment and keeps you from true intimacy. When you save your relationship from sex, the fog will disappear and you’ll see each other for who you really are.
  • Saving your relationship from sex will make her feel more loved, not less. She’ll realize you’re into more than just her body.
  • When you save your relationship from sex you’ll establish yourself as a godly leader for the future. Marriage is filled with temptation, and now is the perfect time to start earning trust in the area of faithfulness. Hebrews 13:4
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. If you had to guess, how many unmarried Christians would you say are engaging in premarital sex? Do you think most of them know that it’s sin and don’t care – or are they unaware of what the Bible says?
  3. What are some of the factors in our broader culture that make this such a difficult topic to deal with?
  4. What are some of the common excuses couples give for why they choose to have premarital sex?
  5. In what ways can premarital sex cause us to be in a “fog”?
  6. Men: how can avoiding premarital sex set you on the right path as the spiritual leader within your marriage?
  7. How can saving yourself from sex now impact your ability to trust each other later in the area of sexual faithfulness?
  8. Read Hebrews 13:4. What can you do to protect your relationship from premarital sex, even if you’ve messed up in the past?

See Also:

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5 Reasons to Wait Till Marriage 

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Why Wait for Sex? A Biblical View on Purity and Dating
The world says sex is casual, but God designed it for something far more powerful and sacred. From honoring God to building trust in your future marriage, this lesson lays a biblical foundation for why waiting is worth it. Whether you’re just starting a relationship or seeking a fresh start in purity, this is your guide to pursuing God’s design.

1 Corinthians 6:16,18-20 (NLT) – “Don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, ‘The two are united into one.’ Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit…You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”

Talking Points:
  • God calls us to honor Him in every area of life—including sexuality. Saving sex for marriage is one way we worship God through obedience.
  • Sex is sacred because it unites two people as “one.” That kind of connection was designed for the marriage covenant. 1 Corinthians 6:16,18-20
  • Waiting until marriage is worth it. Deferred pleasure now leads to deeper intimacy and joy later.
  • Sexual purity before marriage builds long-term trust. If you’re faithful now, it builds a pattern of faithfulness later.
  • Committing to purity honors your future spouse. It’s a selfless, courageous act of love and respect.

Discussion:

  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?

  2. Which of the five reasons to wait stands out most to you? Why? Are there any you would add to the list?

  3. Read 1 Corinthians 6:16-20. What does it mean to say that sex is sacred? How does this contrast with the world’s message?

  4. Are you currently honoring God in this area of your life? What would it look like to start fresh in your commitment to purity?

  5. What are some healthy boundaries you can set to help you wait for marriage? Who can help keep you accountable?

  6. If you truly believe God’s design for sex is best, how should that belief shape your dating decisions, relationships, and media consumption going forward?

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Is Sex Before Marriage Normal?

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God’s Design for Sex and Dating
The Bible doesn’t shame sex—it celebrates it within the right context. This lesson lays the groundwork for a biblical, practical, and compelling approach to purity.

Genesis 2:24-25 (NLT)
“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”

Mark 10:6-9 (NLT)
“But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.”

Talking Points:
  • Sex is a gift from God and was created to be a very good thing. Genesis 2:24-25
  • The Bible doesn’t use the phrase “pre-marital sex,” but it clearly warns against sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18
  • Choosing abstinence before marriage is less about following rules and more about pursuing biblical wisdom.
  • God designed sex to be more than physical—it’s a spiritual and emotional act of oneness. Mark 10:6-9
  • When we give our bodies in sex, we are declaring a promise. That promise is meant to be fulfilled with a lifelong commitment.

Discussion:

  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?

  2. How do you think sex is presented in our culture today? What are some messages you agree with and some you don’t?

  3. If sex is said to be a good thing in the Bible, why do you think it has become a taboo topic in Christian circles?

  4. How can we define what “sexual immorality” is according to the Bible? Where do you draw the line in your current relationship? How did you come to those boundaries?

  5. Read Mark 10:6-9. How does this passage describe sex as more than just a physical act?

  6. Why does Paul tell us to “flee” from sexual sin instead of just avoiding it? What risk do we run if we stay close to temptation?

  7. How would you describe the biblical view of a healthy sexual relationship? How does this impact your future choices?

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