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Giving Helpful Feedback to Your Teen

As parents, we want to guide our teens toward maturity, but how we give feedback can make all the difference. The Bible encourages us to speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:29), which means balancing honesty with kindness. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you give feedback that builds your teen up instead of tearing them down.

The Do’s:

Be Kind but Clear – Your words should encourage growth, not just point out flaws. Make sure your feedback is constructive, not critical. (Ephesians 4:29)
Give Time to Process – Your teen might not immediately agree with you. Be patient and trust that your words will sink in over time.
Keep Earning Trust – Build a relationship where they feel safe to hear your feedback. Spend time with them, listen to their thoughts, and engage in their world.

The Don’ts:

Don’t Be Passive-Aggressive – Sarcasm or veiled criticism, even if meant as a joke, can create distance instead of growth.
Don’t Be a Nag – Constantly pointing out flaws can make your teen tune you out. Pick your battles wisely.
Don’t Lecture – Teens often know what you’re going to say before you say it. Instead of a lecture, invite them into the conversation and let them express their perspective. (Proverbs 22:6)

Giving helpful feedback is about more than just correcting behavior—it’s about shaping the heart and character of your teen in a way that honors God.

Talking Points:
  • Speak truth in love. Be clear and kind when giving feedback so that it builds up rather than tears down. (Ephesians 4:29)
  • Be patient and intentional. Your teen may not see your point of view right away. Invest in your relationship and take time to understand them.
  • Avoid negative patterns. Passive-aggressive remarks, nagging, and lectures can push your teen away instead of drawing them in.
  • Encourage ownership. Instead of controlling the conversation, create space for your teen to process, respond, and grow in wisdom. (Proverbs 22:6)
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Share about the last time you tried to offer feedback to your teen. What went well? What didn’t go well?
  3. Read Proverbs 22:6. Identify one or two areas where your teen needs some constructive criticism. What would you like to articulate and what’s your desired outcome?
  4. Read Ephesians 4:29. Evaluate your feedback in light of this verse. How do you need to be more kind in your approach? How do you like to hear feedback from others?
  5. Does your teen trust that you have their best in mind? Explain. How can you earn more trust with them?
  6. Which of the “don’ts” are you most guilty of doing? How will you change your approach moving forward?
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