The Walkaway Wife Syndrome

Most divorces are initiated by wives who are done waiting for their husbands to change or to engage in the marriage.

Wives are typically the ones that look to nurture the marriage. They read more books and watch more shows seeking marriage enrichment. Over time, this gets old and women expect their husbands to engage more in the improving the marriage. And, when husbands are unwilling to engage, wives start to check out.

A wife that feels disconnected from her husband becomes dissatisfied in every area of the marriage

Resentment starts to build toward the husband to the point that the husband can do no right. She starts being critical of the husband in every area. He doesn’t make enough money, he spends too much time doing his hobbies, and he never helps with the kids.

As wives complain, husbands only disengage more

Most husbands don’t enjoy being told they’re a failure in every way. Instead of working on the issues, they choose to shut down and ignore the wife’s complaints. This only makes it worse for the wife who already feels disconnected. So, now, the wife feels disconnected and ignored.

Then, wives begin to plan their exit strategy

The wife feels justified in her heart to get out of the marriage because the husband doesn’t seem to care about her needs or the health of the marriage. She may not do it right away, but she will begin to build walls around her heart that closes off the marriage. Her plan may be to go back to school, look for a better job or wait until the kids are out of the house to physically leave. But, she’s already left emotionally. She stops complaining to her husband and largely gives up on caring about the marriage at all.

Husbands often misunderstand the lack of complaining to mean everything is okay

Even though the wife is deeply hurt, the husband is clueless to her true feelings. The fact that they are fighting less seems like a good sign to him. But, the reality is the wife has given up and finally utters the words, “I want a divorce.” The husband responds with, “What? I had no idea there were problems.” This only angers the wife more because she feels like she’s tried everything to get his attention.

Actions speak louder than words

Often times husbands may miss the verbal cues, but it’s hard to miss an action. So when the wife says,  “I’m filing for a divorce”, suddenly the action wakes the husband up to the reality that the marriage is in trouble. Then the husband starts to engage in the marriage and doing all the things the wife has been waiting to see for years. They go to church, a counselor, and start reading books on marriage. And the wife feels it’s just too little too late.

Prevent the walkaway wife syndrome

Husbands, listen to your wives when they have concerns or complaints. Work on the marriage like you do your profession or hobby. Both of you, stay engaged in the marriage and talk honestly about the strengths and weaknesses in the relationship. Don’t walk away. Save your marriage before it’s too late.