Most of us would probably say we would rather talk than listen, especially when we’re fighting with our spouse. Why? Because we’re trained to think that we need to “win” every argument. We want to be right, so we talk until we convince or exhaust our spouse.
Here’s the problem. Your spouse probably wants the same thing – to win. So, you both argue and debate but never resolve anything. Neither of you are willing to stop long enough to hear the other’s perspective. That’s why you need to learn the art of listening.
Listening Is Necessary for Healthy Communication
You aren’t having a conversation if you’re both talking at the same time. Listening is the key ingredient. As one speaks, the other chooses to listen. If you don’t listen to one another, your marriage will be full of frustrating, unresolved disagreements.
Listening Is Not a Passive Response
It is the catalyst for healthy communication. Choosing to listen doesn’t mean you are somehow losing the argument because you stop talking. Listening is what allows a productive conversation to begin.
James 1:19 You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Listening Is an Active Response
An active listener is paying attention to the finer details. You ask questions to make sure you understand what the speaker is saying and you show the ability to summarize what you hear by saying things like, “so what I hear you saying is….”
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Why is listening hard to do sometimes?
- How do you feel when your perspective isn’t being heard?
- How do you feel when your spouse gets on the same page with you?
- Why does being able to summarize what you hear help a conversation?
- Read James 1:19. What communication tips does this verse give us? Which tip do you need to work on the most?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
