I have yet to meet someone who hasn’t experienced relational stress! God created us as relational beings yet we have a hard time fitting together sometimes. The reason- we have our own issues we’re dealing with and then we’re interacting with people who also have issues!
Relational stress comes from our interactions with others. Whether at work, home or with friends, we have to navigate the feelings and expectations of those who may be toxic, demanding, or selfish
Maybe it’s a family member who has unrealistic expectations or you found out a friend betrayed your trust, or a controlling co-worker has been putting you down to advance their own career.
No matter the source, relational stress leaves us feeling uneasy. Do we confront the issue or do we brush it off? Do we try to make peace or do we just remove the person from our lives? And, when one relationship struggles, it causes all of our relationships to struggle. We’re irritable and hurt.
Abigail found herself in a tough spot – playing the peacemaker between her selfish husband and the future king. Her bravery to intervene subdued David’s rage and spared her husband’s life
1 Samuel 25:2-11 “There was a wealthy man from Maon who owned property near the town of Carmel. He had 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats, and it was sheep-shearing time. This man’s name was Nabal, and his wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was crude and mean in all his dealings. When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, he sent ten of his young men to Carmel with this message for Nabal: “Peace and prosperity to you, your family, and everything you own! I am told that it is sheep-shearing time. While your shepherds stayed among us near Carmel, we never harmed them, and nothing was ever stolen from them. Ask your own men, and they will tell you this is true. So would you be kind to us, since we have come at a time of celebration? Please share any provisions you might have on hand with us and with your friend David.” David’s young men gave this message to Nabal in David’s name, and they waited for a reply. “Who is this fellow David?” Nabal sneered to the young men. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?””
1 Samuel 25:14-19“Meanwhile, one of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail and told her, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he screamed insults at them. These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!” Abigail wasted no time. She quickly gathered 200 loaves of bread, two wineskins full of wine, five sheep that had been slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. She packed them on donkeys and said to her servants, “Go on ahead. I will follow you shortly.” But she didn’t tell her husband Nabal what she was doing.”
1 Samuel 25:23-26,30-31“When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed low before him. She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my Lord. Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent. “Now, my Lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!””
The story of Abigail is a great example of how to deal with relational stress. First, Abigail was brave. As a woman, for her to go and address the future king was a big deal. Second, she came humbly (bowed low) and she brought peace offerings. Third, her message was clear. She reminded David of who he was and all God promised to do through him. She challenged him not to give into his base emotions of anger that would lead to murder but to be the bigger person reflective of his higher calling.
The antidote is peace. Instead of claiming your right to having it your way, seek to understand and be gracious.
Peace doesn’t mean we excuse bad behavior or let people walk all over us. Peace means we come to a person with their best in mind and with a desire to reconcile so much as it is up to us.
3 P’s to Peacemaking
- Prepare -Be clear about your perspective
- Posture -Be open to hear their perspective
- Produce solutions
Think about that person with whom you are in conflict with right now. What do you need to do to promote peace? If you feel like you’ve done all that you can, then release that relationship for now. Pray for that person and pray for your heart to remain tender towards them and wait on God’s timing.
