Step 4 Toward Recovery | Getting Real

Speaker 1 00:00:02 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Pursue God Podcast. I’m Pastor Brian joining the studio again today by Pastor Mark, pastor Eric. And we’re talking today about step number four as we’re going through the 12 steps to recovery. If you want to use this with your family, with your small group, or with a mentor, you can find it all at pursue god.org/recovery. Again, we’re in week number four out of 12 weeks. Mark, why don’t we start today by summarizing the first three steps and maybe kind of help us to understand what those three are about and what the rest of ’em are about?

Speaker 2 00:00:35 Okay. Yeah. So in step, uh, step one, uh, which is we admitted we were powerless over our addictions, that our lives had become unmanageable. We kind of came to this realization of just how <laugh>, how messed up and broken we are, and how lost we are. Um, and then we, the next week, uh, we did step number two, uh, which is came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And that’s really recognizing that there is hope, that there can be a hope, and, and that hope is God. And, and so we, we spent a lot of time talking about God, God talking about the God of the Bible, which is who we believe is our higher power. Um, and then, uh, last week we talked about, uh, step three, which is really what we consider the biggest step, which is make a decision, or it’s titled it’s framed. Um, we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. And really when we talk about that, what I like to think is this is the step of surrender. So these first three steps are really, um, coming to the realization how lost we are, how much we need God, and then becoming willing to give our life over to ’em. And they’re really kind of the framework that is needed to go into the rest of these steps.

Speaker 1 00:01:56 And the rest of the steps then are about doing the actual work, right? So, so the folks that have been listening to this so far saying this, look, this has been great information, guys, but what do I actually do? What do I actually do to get out of my addiction? We’re finally ready to talk about that. So, Eric, what is step number four?

Speaker 3 00:02:17 Well, step number four says that we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. And so, uh, you’re right, just like what you just said is actually getting to the work. You know, steps one through three are the, um, what, what is wrong with me and how do I solve that problem? And now the rest of it is the how, how do we apply what we’ve learned about humility, about open-mindedness, about willingness, about surrender? How do we apply it? And step four then really starts us off in that journey of recovery, um, trying to help us understand who we are and why we are the way that we are, because maybe we have a, a little bit of clean time right now. And, uh, if we don’t want to relapse, then we’ve, we’ve gotta get to the core of the issue. And, and the core of the issue is what’s going on in our hearts.

Speaker 3 00:03:14 Things that’s happened to us in our past. We do things sometimes and we don’t even know why we have feelings and, and emotions, and we don’t even know why we have those. And we need to learn how to react to those. And so we’re gonna talk about that in a lot of the steps coming, coming up. But specifically for a moral inventory, um, I like to think of it like this. Here’s a good example. If you were a business owner, right? You, um, you gotta take stock of what you have, what you own. You go into your business and you have a, uh, you regularly have employees take inventory for you of, of your goods, right? Of your valuable goods, um, and, and of your junk, right? And sometimes the junk gets in the way. And so you gotta do some spring cleaning. You gotta, you gotta clean things out so that you can store more goods and, and, and continue operating a healthy business, right?

Speaker 3 00:04:11 And so, taking inventory of what you have, why you have it, is it useful? And do I need to get rid of it in a business, is the same way that we should operate as, as human beings, men and women in recovery. We look inside of ourselves and we say, w what’s going on? You know, what are some of my character traits? The emotions that I have, the thoughts that I have, some values, beliefs, morals, cuz it’s some moral inventory, right? What do I have going on inside of me? Um, and where is it taking me? Do I need to make some changes to become more efficient? Do I need to get rid of some old baggage? And and so part of, uh, what we say in step four is that our secrets keep us sick. And when you, you do the work of doing a moral inventory and we’re told to do it daily, but doing a moral inventory is helping us, um, be real about ourselves, be real about who we are, and it helps us to get our secrets up and out onto pages so that we can process it and so that it’s no longer secret anymore.

Speaker 1 00:05:18 Okay? Can we, can we do a little bit of that right here? You guys in your safe place? Enough <laugh>. Eric, you got a coffee in your hand? You’re ready for this cuz we’re gonna, we’re gonna model a little bit of this for our listeners. I’m gonna ask some questions. You can find these questions, by the way, at pursue god org slash recovery. Again, we’re on lesson number four and we’ll make sure that these are available there for you. Question one, have you ever had any broken relationships? If so, describe them. Describe how they hurt others or how they hurt you. Describe ju any grudges or anger or resentment that you have had over those relationships. Man, that’s a, that’s a pretty piercing question right out the gate.

Speaker 2 00:06:02 Yeah, I know, I know. For me, I think <laugh>, I don’t know if I really knew what a healthy relationship was before. Um, <laugh> accepting Christ and giving my life to him and, and working these steps, you know, really embracing this, this life of recovery. Uh, because it, it did come down to really digging in and, and recognizing how much I let you know, my emotions, um, past hurts and, and things just ruled me. They ruled me and they ruled the way that I interacted with people around me. So I, I think, you know, you could prob probably talk to pretty much anybody, um, in my circle. And they would tell you that my relationship with them is far different than it was years ago, um, before I, um, took this journey. It, and, and that’s really where, um, this step is so crucial because we really start to get into why, why do I operate this way? Um, how do I react when these certain feelings come up? And, and so, yeah, I, for me, pretty much every relationship I had was, was pretty broken and messed up

Speaker 1 00:07:19 Cuz it’s how you did relationships. You didn’t know, like you said, you didn’t know a better way.

Speaker 2 00:07:23 I didn’t.

Speaker 1 00:07:24 Yeah, yeah. You didn’t know the healthy way. By the way, we’ve got all kinds of content on relationships and healthy relationships that pursue god.org. If you go to the life category, there’s a whole segment on relationships cuz it’s important. But a lot of people, I’ve noticed you guys maybe can speak to this more cuz you work with, not only have you, do you have recover, are you living in recovery and freedom from an addiction, but also you work with a lot of men and women who are struggling with addiction. So do you think that a lot of, a lot of those folks that one of the triggers for them was a resentment or a bitterness or something that happened in a relationship, whether with mom or with dad or with a friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever?

Speaker 3 00:08:06 Yes. Yeah, you’re exactly right. And you know, right when you said that, you know, obviously I, you know, think biblically, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, so I have vi bible verses on my brain. And, um, one is, is that not to let a root of bitterness grow up in you. And, and usually because of that, um, it causes you to act outwardly when you have bitterness inwardly. And that’s exactly what we’re doing with the moral inventory is to the, to daily look at our hearts and say, you know, why am I acting out? Why did I used to act out? Why did I try to self-medicate and, and then try to correct those behaviors, right? And so, um, in, in, in my own life with working with other people, certainly, you know, relationships were a trigger. We’ll talk about triggers, and I think we have talked about ’em a little bit, but, um, yes, broken relationships not, aren’t always just because, just because we, um, were using, but it’s also because we didn’t know how to do relationships in a healthy way. Right? We didn’t know how to forgive. We didn’t know how to let go, right? And so

Speaker 1 00:09:18 And so then drugs come in because it’s like an anesthetic.

Speaker 3 00:09:22 There

Speaker 1 00:09:22 You go, right? When you’re, when when, if I go in for a surgery, I’m kind of a woos and I don’t want to have to go through the physical pain, so whatever they’ll give me, I’ll take it. You know, they’re like, Hey, we gotta, we gotta clean your teeth. I’m like, can you put me under for that <laugh>? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I’m not that bad. But you get the point, right? So what we’re, what we’re trying to do is we’re trying to anesthetize our pain, physical pain when we go in for surgery. And I think what happens, I don’t know what the percentages are, but I would, I would venture to guess that a large percentage of drug addicts, it started because they were anesthetizing their pain, not physical pain. They were anesthetizing their emotional pain, their relational pain. They don’t, they didn’t maybe know how to talk it out or maybe they wanted to talk it out, but mom or dad wouldn’t or whatever. And so the, as a result, they’re saying the easy route then is just to numb the pain so that I, I don’t have to feel that hurt, that pain.

Speaker 3 00:10:23 Yeah. Yeah. And I guess I’ll just be a little bit more, um, you know, transparent. And I think that what happened in my life, part of my story, we’ve, we’ve gone over a little bit, bit of it, but not all of it. But certainly when I was taking inventory, you know, back in my teenage years, you know, one of my first go arounds in going through some these steps and stuff, um, you know, what had had come out was that, yeah, there were things that happened to me in my past, you know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I was, uh, uh, sexually abused by a neighbor of mine, and at a young age, probably 8, 9, 9 years old, I don’t know. And, and I never really let that out. I didn’t tell anybody. Um, and so, uh, I think I hear that same story a lot from people. Um, there’s, I mean, that happens to, I’ve heard one out of every three people in the world.

Speaker 3 00:11:17 Um, but that’s crazy. I’ve heard that same story from a lot of people that come, come into recovery that they were abused emotionally, physically, sexually, or, you know, things happened to them that they didn’t necessarily have control over, and then they didn’t have healthy families in place or whatever to be able to process this stuff, to heal from this stuff. Not a lot of people know how to deal with recovering from issues like that, let alone, you know, drugs and alcohol. Right? Right. And so, so it seems like people like me, w it was easier for us to venture our way into, like what you were saying, self-medication mm-hmm. <affirmative>, right? To, to deal with pain and hurt and not have to talk about it. And, and hopefully again, that’s what the steps for, is to actually get it up and out and, and, and deal with it,

Speaker 1 00:12:06 Right? Because otherwise you’re gonna just go back to it if you don’t deal with some of those root issues that are at the bottom. This kind of the seed of the addiction, again, not to, not to release anyone from owner owning, owning their addiction, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you don’t, I think part of, part of the, I think part of the victory to, uh, victory over addiction and drugs is to just own it. To own your stuff. And so right now, maybe something really bad happened to you that wasn’t your fault, but you still, you still have to be willing to face it, uh, face it in the mirror and say, I’m gonna put this on the table. I’m gonna deal with this because I’m not gonna let it control me anymore.

Speaker 2 00:12:45 Yeah. I think really that’s what this step is about. This is about taking ownership now of, you know, all, all the things that I’ve experienced, you know, may maybe, you know, I, I, I have some brokenness, some, some hurts from my past, but I am still responsible for the things that I’m doing. And I think it’s, there’s a reason that these steps go in a particular order mm-hmm. <affirmative>, right? Because I think the first three steps are huge. We can’t do this step without the first three steps. And I think a big part of it is humility. We learn humility in the first three steps. And this step is all about that. Because we couldn’t, I don’t think I would’ve been able to really look at myself and, and the things that I’ve done, um, and the way that I, that, you know, my, I operate through my feelings and, and all these things without having that sense of humility. Um, but I think what it really comes down to is, um, am I, am I willing? So in step three, we talk about willingness, right? So hopefully I’ve, I’m at that willing stage now where I’m really willing to be brutally honest with myself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, there you go. In this step.

Speaker 1 00:14:03 Yeah. And so, yeah, you mentioned willingness and humility, and I think for some people listening, it might also take some, a pretty good dose of courage, right? Yeah. To be brave enough to deal with it. Cuz the easier route definitely is to stuff it, you know, to think, Eric, of your story, it would’ve take, it would’ve taken quite a bit of courage for you to go to mom and dad and say, Hey, I need to talk about this and help me to, but you, you were probably feeling shame, you’re feeling confusion, all kinds of things. And the simpler thing, and I can relate to this, the simpler thing is just to bury it, is just to stuff it right. Instead of to let it get out on the table and really deal with it, and in a healthy way that leads to victory, long-term victory.

Speaker 1 00:14:52 You know, when our kids were little, um, they’re very lucky that their mom is a counselor. She has a master’s in counseling psychology. And so they would’ve been so screwed up if they only had me as a dad. And I know a lot of people, that’s what they have. They just have a mom or a dad and or they have two parents that love them, but don’t maybe have the skills to know how to identify what’s going on in their life. I just was talking to a guy the other day who said his son, uh, ended up on drugs. He was taking heroin, and he didn’t, he wasn’t clued in enough about drug to know even what to look for. But now in retrospect, he’s like, I feel so foolish that I, I didn’t realize it. I didn’t, I couldn’t recognize the signs of it.

Speaker 1 00:15:32 So it’s not that parents aren’t necessarily, you know, parents aren’t evil. Parents are broken and imperfect, but parents might not be able to draw these things out and help us to take a fearless moral inventory and really be honest. But my wife did a good job with that, with our kids, you know, from an early age. She would get them talking. She would say, use your words. She used to say that all the time. Use your words. I don’t, you know, I can tell you’re frustrated. You’re throwing something right now, right? As a kid, that’s what you do. It’s, it’s a tantrum. Well, as an adult, maybe you don’t throw tantrums anymore, but you’re a, again, you’re anesthetizing behavior is to, is to go to your drugs, right? Or even pornography, which is, which acts like a drug, right? It’s this soothing drug. It, it meets this need in the short term. Instead of using your words, going to somebody and saying, Hey, help me to process this. I, you know, I need to, I need to think through what’s really at the root here. And so that’s why this fearless moral inventory is so important. So how about this second question. Have you ever felt self-righteous? Explain, explain when, explain the circumstances and explain whether it was justified in your own mind or not.

Speaker 2 00:16:47 Yeah, I actually, I’ve shared this story quite a few, few different times. Um, because <laugh>, we’ve gone through these questions in our recovery groups. And, and this one always comes to mind. I, I have, um, somebody very close to me who, um, her, uh, her husband cheated on her. And, um, I, I confronted him very angrily. I showed up at his work, um, threw all his stuff off his desk and, and, and just screamed in his face. And it was, you know, it was just this anger. I felt protective, you know, I felt angry. And, and I lashed out. And a few years later, um, I myself am the one who has done the exact same thing to my wife. And, and it’s, it’s interesting how in the moment I felt so self-righteous. Um, but when all of my stuff, my, my issues, my sexual addiction, all this stuff came out, man, it, it was a whole different perspective on it. Because when I’m seeking help and forgiveness, how can I do that when I’m not willing to forgive others?

Speaker 1 00:18:00 Hmm. Yeah. So that reminds me of this question. Um, describe the faults that you most detest in others, because have you guys seen that, I know this is true for me when I see it in my own kid, the faults that I detest the most in my kids are the ones that I hate in myself. Is that a, is that a, an, an addict kind of a response?

Speaker 3 00:18:24 Yeah. I, I actually deal with that. There are things about me that, um, I’ve had the hardest time controlling or getting over. Uh, sometimes it’s respect for authority. It’s, um, talking back, you know, and, and then, yeah. And, and, you know, a lot of people want their kids to be just like, like them. But for me, when my kids act, act like me, it enrages me. And then all of a sudden I get self-righteous, you know, answering this question. Like, why would you, why would you act like that? You know, the better ways to be like this. And then he points it out to me, well, you do that. And I’m like, well,

Speaker 1 00:19:05 Shut up. Yeah.

Speaker 3 00:19:06 <laugh>, uh, well, yeah, that, that’s a different story, right? <laugh>, like, you’re supposed to submit to me. I don’t have to submit to anyone. And, and so yeah, I’m definitely, there are times when I’m self-righteous and not a good example to the, the people I’m teaching, including my kids.

Speaker 1 00:19:23 So let’s, let’s go through it kind of a list for the listeners out there. Maybe you can write these down again, you can find ’em online at the series page, um, some traits that you might despise in others, and, and then think about if you despise them in yourself as well. Let me just read it. You guys just go ahead and stop me when I hit one. That might, that might really, uh, touch a nerve for you. Selfishness, cowardice, dishonesty. You guys good so far? Huh?

Speaker 2 00:19:51 <laugh>? Well,

Speaker 3 00:19:52 I could, I mean, we could stop at every single one. Yeah, we could stop at every one of those.

Speaker 1 00:19:56 Let me, let’s do five at a time then. Okay. Selfishness, cowardness, cowardness, dishonesty, fearfulness.

Speaker 3 00:20:03 Well, I, well, I just, yeah, I’ll stop you and be self-righteous right now and say, say, honestly, all of those traits do bother me. I, uh, um, and, and it’s because I don’t like them in myself. I don’t want to be any of those things. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to be a coward, and I, I don’t want to be fearful. Um, and so sometimes I go outta my way to try to prove that I’m not that. Um, and, and in doing so, shaming other people that are like that, um, when in reality I’m probably inside, you know, facing some kind of fear, you know? And I’m trying to be manly and strong on the, the outside when really there’s things going on on the inside of me. Um, yeah.

Speaker 1 00:20:55 Well, what about, how about, um, controlling, manipulative, possessive, right? These are things that I’ve noticed in some of the loved ones in my life who are, um, who have struggled with addiction. I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of manipulative, controlling, um, dishonesty. Like we already mentioned that there’s a lot of that. What’s that all about? Why, why is that a common trait for an addict?

Speaker 2 00:21:28 Well, I think because we’re <laugh>, we’re hiding. And so you look at things like, you know, manipulative, that was, that was always a way of, of trying to, you know, hide the truth. It, it’s tied in with dishonesty. Um, and, and really it’s, it has something to do with trying to, you know, control my environment, trying to control people around me, um, because that I didn’t, that’s what I needed. That’s what I needed in order to stay in my addiction, to stay in my little safe space. And, and so it’s, it’s funny because every single one of these that we read over, I, I think about, yeah, man, how much I despise this in other people. And that, I think if you’re gonna go through this list, I think you almost need to, to, to look at it first of which of these do I despise in other people?

Speaker 2 00:22:23 Don’t even worry about myself just yet, right? Just go through and check through which ones do I despise in other people, and then go through and look at which ones I despise in, see in myself. And I found it’s, it’s almost always the exact same ones. One of the funniest things to me now is I look at some of the people in my life that I struggled, I had the, the hardest time with. I really struggled to have, um, a good relationship with. And it was because they were so much like me in this regard. It was, it was so many people that, you know, were selfish and dishonest and, um, hypocritical. I couldn’t stand people who, who were that way. And yet, I don’t know of anybody more hypocritical or judgemental than myself.

Speaker 1 00:23:15 Yeah. The one, one of ’em that jumped out at me was hypercritical someone that is just always critical of other people. Is that, is that something you guys have seen a lot e either in your own lives or with some of the folks that you’ve been helping?

Speaker 3 00:23:29 Well, I mean, I, again, that’s, I, I despise that. I try not to be hyper critical. I may, maybe it depends on who, who maybe, um, I think a lot of these that we’re talking about esp, that one, and then, you know, being controlling and possessive, all of that kind of stems from, um, fear. And it stems from being insecure. I mean, and I think that’s one thing that all of us addicts probably have is insecurity because of the things that we’ve done. We’ve done the shame that we have. Um, we’re, we’re insecure about who we are. Therefore, we believe that we have to run around and control things. We believe that we have to manipulate. We believe that we have to, um, you know, be super hy, hyper critical of everyone else so that they know not to be like that. Right? It’s cuz we’re, we’re so aware of our own insecurities that, especially me, I, I’ve been an insecure man for a long part of my life.

Speaker 3 00:24:33 And, and so hopefully, you know, this is where our faith comes in, going back to the surrender and what God did for us and how amazing he is, and that he loves us in spite of us, and in spite of all the things that we had done, um, he’s forgiven us. He’s set us free, put us on a new path. And so, uh, it all boils down to where I think fear, fear and insecurity comes from, is lack of trust. <laugh>. I, and, and that’s where we, our higher power, God has to come back into this. How much do we trust God? How much do we trust him that he’s gonna deal with other people and their issues? Why do I gotta be a hypocrite? Or why am I so sensitive? What to what, what the way that people are, um, when I only need to worry about myself.

Speaker 3 00:25:22 And so, being hypercritical comes from me not trusting that God’s gonna work on them like he’s working in me. Controlling people is again, me, me not trusting God that he’s going to do what he’s gonna do to teach them, to guide them, to lead them. And so when I don’t trust God, I become controlling. When I don’t trust God, I become manipulative. Instead of being empowering, instead of being, um, you know, gracious, I think out of fear and, and not trusting God. We think that we have to control people with our words, with our actions, with our leadership. Um, and, and certainly, you know, again, that’s why this is good to do an inventory mm-hmm. <affirmative> daily, right?

Speaker 1 00:26:07 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But here’s the irony, and maybe you guys can help with this, is in order, I think the, the person who’s gonna struggle the most with taking a, what is, how do you say it? A fearless, I like that word, A fearless, a searching and fearless moral inventory. The people who are gonna struggle the most to do that are people who are insecure. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, right? Because they’re gonna be afraid to do it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, they’re gonna, no, I don’t want to face the mirror. I don’t wanna put those things on the table. I don’t want to have to admit to these things. Yeah. So what hope is there for the person who’s listening to this, who, well, if they’re still listening, I guess there’s a little bit of hope because the truly insecure people turned it off already by now,

Speaker 2 00:26:50 Right? Yeah. Well, I think that’s fear, I think is probably the greatest driving factor of addiction. I think as addicts, the, the thing that, that we’re most afraid of when we’re living in our addiction, it’s not of the consequences that I experience in my personal life. It’s not the, the pain and suffering that I cause myself or my loved ones, the people around me. It’s of being found out. That’s the greatest fear of, of being found out for who, who I’ve really been the type, type of person I’ve really been. The, the things that I’ve done, the thoughts that I’ve thought all of these things. It’s, and so fear just rules the addict.

Speaker 3 00:27:34 And this is where we have to go back then. If we can’t make it to, to taking an inventory, then we have to go back to step three, which is surrender, right? Which mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Because if we’ve surrendered our lives over to the will and care of God, and we believe that the God of the Bible forgives us, he knew all of our sins and our faults, and we confess those to him, and he says, I know all of your, everything that’s going on, on the inside of your heart, I know everything that’s gonna happen. Luke 12, two, which is part of our, our lesson. It says, nothing is covered up that will not be revealed or hidden. That will, that will not be known. And so we’re not gonna be able to keep these secrets forever. Um, and if we go back to step three, we’ve already acknowledged these things. If as far as where we’re accountable to the Lord for forgiveness, and if he knows everything that we’ve already done or are going to do, then we’ve gotta go back to surrender and trust that if I do this work of a moral inventory, um, this is going to honor God. This is gonna help me, this is gonna help me to be honest with him and myself continually so that I can quit being sick so that I can, um, be accountable for the way that I am and hopefully change it, hopefully for the better.

Speaker 2 00:28:57 Yeah. Yeah. I, I think that’s, that’s huge what you said there, Eric. It’s, if I’m not really ready to, to tackle this yet, then I do need to go back to step steps one through three mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, and get to that point of surrender. I, I think of that, that word surrender, right? It, it’s really kind of counterintuitive to us, um, as, especially as,

Speaker 3 00:29:17 As controlling people

Speaker 2 00:29:18 As, yeah. Like, we don’t want to think about surrendering. But that’s, man, that’s where I finally, I give up on doing this, the way that I’ve been doing it. I finally realize, I, I don’t know how to do this anymore and I can’t do this anymore. I give it up and I give it to you. You know, give it up to you, God. And, and that’s where, um, the fear is lost is, is when I finally am willing to surrender and let God take over.

Speaker 1 00:29:49 Yeah. And so from my, from my perspective, then that was step three, right? Surrendering. But then step four is still a little bit of a baby step, even though we’re actually finally starting to move forward. It’s still a baby step because you’re just, you’re just taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. You’re not broadcasting it, you’re not bringing anyone else in on it. You’re, but that’s the first baby step, really, is to have, if you don’t have the courage to face up to this for yourself, or we would say with in between you and God, right? Then you, you’re not gonna be able to go on to step five. You’re not gonna be able to go on to step six, step seven, some of these other ones where it’s, it is eventually gonna start involve involving other people. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, step four is just, you gotta get real with you and you gotta let God search you.

Speaker 1 00:30:37 I like, I like how David said it, Psalm 1 39, it almost makes it sound like he’s an addict, right? He says, search me God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. That’s a pretty bold prayer. That’s a pretty fearless prayer to say, I’m exposing myself to you, God, uh, go ahead search me. Cuz the truth is God already knows. So it’s not like he needs your permission. He already knows what’s wrong with you. You’re not gonna say something to God in prayer and he’s gonna be like, oh, I had no idea, Eric, that you were struggling with that mark that you were, he’s gonna, he knows already, but there’s something therapeutic, isn’t there? There’s something therapeutic about saying, God, I give you permission. And then the God of the universe says, oh, thank you very much. Thanks for the permission. I could have done it if I wanted to. But you’re not doing it for his sake. Really. You’re doing it because it’s gonna be part of the step. It’s gonna be one of the steps toward your freedom and toward your victory.

Speaker 3 00:31:42 Yeah. And that’s where and why, you know, God has to be a part of every step we take in recovery and including this one. We’re asking for help in this situation. If God knows everything that we’ve already done, he knows our hearts and he knows what’s best for us, and the path moving forward where David says, the way, lead me in the way everlasting. If God knows the best way for us, then we ought to ask him for help. And remember, when we trusted in Jesus and we surrendered to him, and we had that defining moment that we talk about that faith moment, the Bible says that He gave us his spirit in us to help us, to counsel us along the way. And part of what the Bible says the spirit’s job is, is to convict the world of sin and including us. He convicts us when we’re wrong.

Speaker 3 00:32:29 And so we’re asking for the power of the Holy Spirit in this daily inventory to say, reveal to me, God, reveal to me my sin, reveal to me my insecurities and my hangups and my issues because I want to deal with them. And trust me, God wants us to deal with our issues more than we want to, you know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> so much so that he takes it upon himself to take care of our biggest issue for us, which is a sin between us and him, and then, um, moving us and guiding us with his spirit to follow after him.

Speaker 1 00:33:06 So what’s the payoff for someone who’s listening to this and they’re on the fence, they’re like, ugh, I, you know, they feel a little bit drawn to do it. You, you’ve almost got ’em convinced, right? You’re, you’ve gotta, you, you’ve got ’em at the five yard line, now they’re at the two yard line. Those last, sometimes those last two yards are the hardest two yards to get, right? So what would you say to them? Why, why should they, why would they, why should they bother? What’s the value in bothering to take this fearless moral inventory and do the hard work?

Speaker 2 00:33:37 Well, I would say if, if, um, we’re not willing to take this step of really discovering ourselves the way that we have always operated, we’re gonna continue to do what we’ve always done. Um, cuz even if you’ve kind of gone through, you know, step one, two, and three, maybe you feel like, like Eric was talking about, you’ve got maybe a little bit of clean time. Maybe you’re feeling, you know, like, I’ve got this now <laugh>, but I still have all those same defects of character, those, you know, all, all those, those ways of operating through my feelings and utilizing different behaviors, those things, I, I haven’t really, haven’t really looked into those much yet. And if I don’t bring those to the light and face them and recognize them, then you’re, it’s just gonna be a cycle. I’m gonna go back to doing things the way I did before and, um, and I’ll, I’ll be coming back to steps one, two, and three all over again.

Speaker 1 00:34:43 Yeah. It, to me, it, it strikes me that this is a lifestyle change, right? It’s not, it’s not that you’re gonna do this this one time and get it over with, like, ripping off the bandaid. Is it, isn’t it true? I mean, you guys speak to this, isn’t it true that this is a whole new way of thinking? This is a whole new way of being, a whole new way of transparency that now the first time might be hard, right? And the second time might still be hard, but over time it becomes part of your self culture. It’s just part of how you operate that you’re going to be honest. You’re going to, you’re going to be transparent, you’re gonna be vulnerable. You’re go, you’re going to admit when you’re wrong, first of all, to yourself, right? You’re gonna stop lying to yourself about what’s at the bottom of who you are. Not j forget about, about your addictive behavior, just who you are. So this is a great, this is a great tool for anyone. And I would say if you had this skill, if you had the skill, the skill to be really just brutally honest with yourself and with others, then you probably wouldn’t have gotten into your addiction in the first place.

Speaker 3 00:35:55 Yeah. And, and to answer the question, you know, what, what are we gonna gain? Why bother? I think that what’s gonna happen is we’re gonna turn into the people that we want to be, you know, instead of the person that we’re shame, shame filled of, of being, right? And so the person that we want to be is the person that God wants us to be, to be honest, to be transparent, to be humble, to be willing, right? And so to get there, it’s gonna take some training, it’s gonna take some work, uh, going, going about it by going on the inside and digging up and getting it on the outside so that we can see it so that it’s no longer a secret inside of us. So there’s a quote in the, in the big book I wanted to read. It’s pretty profound. It’s, it’s, it’s what we’re talking about.

Speaker 3 00:36:46 It says this in, and, and I’m talking about the big book of aa, the Alcoholics Anonymous book. Um, we’ll have little quotes from from this, from time to time. It says this, in this book you read again and again, that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self will has blocked you off from him. If, if you have already made a decision and an inventory of your gross handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have, you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself. And so that’s, that’s really what we’re talking about, is swallowing and digesting big chunks of truth about yourself that maybe you haven’t processed yet. And those hopefully are going to help us to start, be the honest, um, humble, willing people that we want to be, what other people want us to be, and ultimately what God wants us to be.

Speaker 1 00:37:47 So here it is. One more time. Step number four, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Again, to find the video, to find this podcast, discussion, questions, and all these other resources we’ve been talking about. If you want to use these with your family, with your small group or your mentor, you can check it all out at pursue god.org/recovery. Again, this is lesson number four, and join us next week where we’re gonna cover step number five. We’ll see you then.