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Building a strong small group starts with fostering a relational environment where people feel safe, heard, and valued. A small group should be a place where trust grows and members encourage each other in their faith. To create this kind of atmosphere, it’s important to follow a few key ground rules. These guidelines will help members treat each other with love and respect, creating a space where authentic relationships can flourish.

Don’t Pretend That You’re Perfect

Honesty and authenticity are crucial for real connection. When group members act like they have it all together, it creates a barrier to genuine community. The Bible reminds us that we all fall short (Romans 3:23), and admitting our struggles allows others to do the same.

Don’t Try to Fix Each Other

Small groups should be places of encouragement, not quick-fix solutions. While it’s tempting to offer advice, sometimes people just need someone to listen and pray for them. James 1:19 urges us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak,” showing that real support often comes through understanding rather than fixing.

Don’t Be Afraid of Silence

In conversations, silence can feel uncomfortable, but it often allows space for deeper reflection. Some of the most profound moments in a small group happen in the pauses when people process their thoughts or when the Holy Spirit is working. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is “a time to be quiet and a time to speak,” reminding us that silence can be valuable.

Use “I” Statements

Speaking from personal experience helps keep discussions open and non-judgmental. When people say “I feel” or “I have experienced,” it prevents conversations from turning into debates or accusations. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to speak words that “build others up,” and framing statements in a personal way helps maintain that spirit.

No Side Conversations

Giving full attention to the person speaking shows respect and creates an environment of active listening. Whispering or chatting on the side can make others feel excluded or ignored. Philippians 2:4 reminds us to “look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others,” which includes being fully present in group discussions.

Keep It Confidential

Trust is built when people know that what they share in the group stays in the group. Gossip or sharing personal details outside the group can cause harm and prevent openness. Proverbs 11:13 warns, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Upholding confidentiality ensures that people feel safe to share honestly.

Listen

One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your attention. True listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding and showing care. Proverbs 18:13 reminds us that “spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” By truly listening, we show love and respect to others.

Talking Points:
  • Be real – Authenticity fosters genuine relationships (Romans 3:23).
  • Don’t fix people – Offer support and prayer instead of quick solutions (James 1:19).
  • Embrace silence – Moments of quiet allow for reflection and the Spirit’s work (Ecclesiastes 3:7).
  • Speak personally – “I” statements promote understanding and respect (Ephesians 4:29).
  • Stay present – No side conversations; give full attention to others (Philippians 2:4).
  • Keep it confidential – Trust grows when privacy is honored (Proverbs 11:13).
  • Listen well – Listening shows love and wisdom (Proverbs 18:13).
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Which of these ground rules do you personally struggle with the most? What makes it challenging for you?
  3. If you had to choose one ground rule as the most essential for a healthy group, which would it be? Why do you think it matters so much?
  4. How does breaking confidentiality affect trust and openness in a group? Have you ever experienced or witnessed this, and what was the result?
  5. Can you think of a time when one of these ground rules made a positive difference in a group setting? How did it impact the conversation or relationships?
  6. How can we, as a group, help each other follow these ground rules consistently? What practical steps can we take to hold one another accountable in a supportive way?
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