The Jesus Way

A study of the “six antitheses” of Matthew 5 in Jesus’ sermon on the mount. The teachings of Jesus move us beyond the letter of the law to the spirit behind it – resulting in a radically new way to live.

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Anger Management the Jesus Way

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The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) is the first – and most famous – of five long speeches of Jesus recorded in Matthew’s gospel. The central theme of this discourse is life in Jesus’ kingdom. It teaches us how to live as followers of Jesus our King.

The central part of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:21-48) consists of what scholars call six “antitheses” (opposites). In each case, Jesus makes a contrast: “You have heard…but I say…” Six times Jesus deconstructs how the Old Testament Law was taught and understood at the time in light of his own understanding. This makes sense in light of Matthew 5:17, where Jesus said, “I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose.” Jesus is the fulfillment of the Law. First, everything in the Old Testament pointed forward to him. Second, as Son of God he has authority over the Law, and his interpretation is the final word.

The first issue Jesus raises, in Matthew 5:21-26, is murder. The Old Testament Law was clear about taking an innocent life. But what about the murderous thoughts and attitudes that lie beneath the surface in our hearts?

Murder is just the tip of the iceberg for anger – but there’s more that lurks beneath the surface.

Jesus opens by saying, “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’” This is true. The Ten Commandments forbid murder. But for Jesus, the issue is not limited to the outward action of taking a life. As serious as that is, he wants us to consider the heart issue that drives murder. Most of us will never commit murder. But we are very likely to experience anger, which Jesus reveals as the root emotion behind murder: “But I say to you, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!” 

The basic impulse of anger is to make someone pay for their offense against us. Righteous anger is rare. Most often, our anger is a selfish response to being insulted or thwarted in some way. In response, we want to inflict pain ourselves by doing or saying something harmful to that person. Jesus gives two examples of this in Matthew 5:22.

The first is name-calling. “If you call someone an idiot, you’re in danger of being brought before the court.” This is above the surface because its consequences are visible. While murder takes away someone’s life, slander is related because it takes away their dignity and worth. We call it “character assassination” for a reason.

The second example is cursing. “If you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.” This is usually (not always) below the surface, because our hateful thoughts may never be openly expressed. But it partakes of the same attitude and intention as murder, violence, or slander. The same is true of other forms of inner anger, like passive aggression. 

The key to victory over anger is to see yourself as the offender, not the offended.

In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus adds a surprising twist. If you’re worshiping at the Temple, and you recall that someone has something against you, Jesus says to go at once and make it right. We would expect him to say, “If you have something against someone…” But Jesus flips the script to remind us that anger and hate work both ways. Our first response will be concern over what someone has done to make us angry. But we rarely consider how we have raised up anger in someone else, or how our anger has wronged them. This is a radical principle of Jesus’ kingdom: to look first at things from the other person’s perspective, not just our own. 

Again, Jesus gives two examples of this. When he says, “You suddenly remember that someone has something against you” (Matthew 5:23), the word “someone” is literally “a brother”. This implies someone you are in relationship with, perhaps another follower of Jesus. By contrast, in Matthew 5:25 he talks about “your adversary” who is taking you to court. In both cases, Jesus is speaking to his audience as if they are the offenders, not the offended. 

 The way of Jesus goes beyond anger to reconciliation – otherwise you’ll be the one paying the price.

Whether it’s a “brother” or an “adversary”, reconciliation is Jesus’ priority, because reconciliation rebuilds what anger destroys. In Matthew 5:23-24, he points out that reconciled relationships are far more important than outward acts of religious piety or worship. In Matthew 5:25, he underscores the urgency of reconciliation: “Settle your differences quickly.”

We have no control over how a person might respond to our reconciliation attempts. That’s why many people don’t even bother. But Romans 12:18 says that we must try: “Do all that you can to live at peace with everyone.” That may be hard, but when we seek to live at peace, we reflect the heart of Jesus, who sacrificed himself for us when we were God’s adversaries (Romans 5:1; Colossians 1:20). 

We’ve seen that anger is often about making the other person pay. But Jesus ends this section with another twist when he points out that we’re the ones who ultimately pay for our own anger. If we don’t settle our differences with our adversary quickly, “You surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny” (Matthew 5:26).

Here’s a sobering reality: our attitudes have consequences. No court of law ever punished someone for a crime of the mind. But God knows what lurks beneath the surface. Murderous thoughts and intentions expose us to God’s judgment (Matthew 5:22). In the next chapter, Jesus drives this home with even greater force (Matthew 6:14-15): “If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Reconciled relationships are so important that unwillingness to forgive is a litmus test of the reality of a person’s faith. 

So in this first antithesis, Jesus reveals the true direction of God’s law when it comes to murder. Of course, murder is wrong. But so is the heart behind murder. Anger is murder below the surface, because it reflects the murderous desire to make people pay for their offenses against us. But in Jesus’ kingdom, anger must give way to reconciliation.

Talking Points:
  • Murder is just the tip of the iceberg for anger – but there’s more that lurks beneath the surface. From simple name-calling to cursing someone, anger can come out in all kinds of ways – and it’s usually destructive. Matthew 5:21-22
  • The key to victory over anger is to see yourself as the offender, not the offended. This is one of Christ’s radical principles – to look first at things from another person’s perspective. That’s how you overcome anger, or any other self-serving emotion. Matthew 5:23-25
  • The way of Jesus goes beyond anger to reconciliation – otherwise you’ll be the one paying the price. Jesus calls it being “subject to judgment” – whether on earth or in heaven. Matthew 5:22, Matthew 6:14-15
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Share the last time you lashed out in anger. How did your anger get you in trouble?
  3. Read Matthew 5:21-22. What are some of the “unseen/unspoken” things you think in your heart and mind when you’re angry? How are those things toxic and dangerous?
  4. Read Matthew 5:23-24. Why is it a radical idea to first think of yourself as the “offender”? How can considering other’s perspectives help you to control your anger?
  5. Read Matthew 6:14-15 and Colossians 3:12-13. What does reconciliation look like practically? Why is forgiveness necessary for true reconciliation?
  6. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

See Also:

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Radical Sexual Purity the Jesus Way

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In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus explores how his people will reflect his kingship in their lives. God gave his law, through Moses, to govern the people of Israel. Jesus explains how this ancient law is fulfilled in practice by his own followers. We’re calling this “The Jesus Way.” 

In Matthew 5, Jesus taught how to understand the law of Moses through six antitheses or opposites. Each of the six statements makes a contrast between the past approach and his own insight, expressed by the formula: “You have heard…but I say to you….” On one side was the Old Testament law (and current Jewish interpretation of it). On the other side was Jesus’ application of the true intent of the law.

The first antithesis made the connection between murder and the underlying attitude of anger. The second antithesis makes the same sort of connection between adultery and lust. Sexual sin is nothing new, but today’s hypersexual culture makes the timeless teachings of Jesus on this subject more relevant than ever. With many prominent Christian leaders falling prey to sexual misconduct in recent years, we should understand that none of us can afford to take this issue for granted. 

Jesus acknowledges, as the Jewish rabbis did, God’s commandment against adultery. But he takes a radically new approach to the issue. He goes beyond adulterous behavior to shine the spotlight on desires at work below the surface – in the human heart.

Adultery is just the tip of the iceberg for lust – and it’s all rooted in seeing people as objects.

In Matthew 5:27, Jesus started by quoting from the Ten Commandments: “You must not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). He assumes the validity of this commandment. Adultery is wrong. But he then points us toward the commandment’s deeper intention: “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). The physical act of adultery is just the visible expression of something deeper. What drives adultery is the heart attitude of lust. You could say that lust is adultery below the surface.

One problem with lustful desire is that it treats people as objects. This is hinted at in ancient Jewish sources, where the command against adultery is often treated as a form of theft. They made it as much about stealing someone’s wife – as if she were mere property – as about sexual purity. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus warns about looking at a woman with lust because visual lust has typically applied to men. Yet our sexualized culture increasingly invites women to engage in lust as well. But lust objectifies other people by seeing them, not as property, but as a means to fulfill a desire. One of the problems with pornography is that a unique, living person is reduced to a two-dimensional photograph with a single, selfish purpose.

Sexual sin follows a predictable pattern: first eyes, then thoughts, and finally actions.

Jesus talks about “anyone who even looks at a woman with lust” (Matthew 5:28) because sexual sin so often begins with what we see. A person or an image attracts our attention in a sexual manner. (The way Jesus said this suggests taking a second or repeated look.) As King Solomon was instructing his son about the moral dangers of life, he warned, “Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path” (Proverbs 4:25-27). In the Old Testament, God instructed the Jews to create visual reminders in everyday life that, when seen with the eyes, would encourage them to be obedient to him (Numbers 15:37-39). 

Once the eye has lingered, the heart engages next (Matthew 5:28). The heart is the center of a person’s thoughts, emotions, and choices. Thus heart adultery occurs when we choose to entertain the image we have seen, turning the thought of it over in our minds, and cultivating ideas and feelings that intensify our desire. That’s why Solomon also told his son to be vigilant about what we allow our thoughts and feelings to dwell upon (Proverbs 4:23).

In the end, what we’ve been thinking about finds expression in how we act. James 1:5 reminds us that desires inevitably lead to actions. More seriously, he warns, “When sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” But Jesus’ point is not just to be concerned about avoiding certain actions. He wants us to know where those actions are birthed and bred.

 Jesus taught us to radically eliminate the threat.

What is the answer to the heart problem of lust? If you’re losing the battle, cut off the temptation triggers. Think about the sources of lustful stimulation in your life. It may be the websites you visit, the movies and videos you watch, or what you see on social media. To develop sexual purity, it’s important to deal decisively with the sources of temptation. Jesus went so far as to say, “If your eye…causes you to lust, gouge it out…. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off” (Matthew 5:29-30). Before you do anything rash, realize that Jesus is exaggerating to drive home the seriousness of sexual purity. In the past, some people have taken this literally and maimed themselves. But a big part of Jesus’ point in these verses is that sexual sin is not just a physical problem. That’s why a purely physical solution misses the mark. After all, a person can still commit heart adultery without a hand or an eye. Jesus uses this illustration to underscore that sexual purity is worth enormous sacrifice. It cannot be achieved with half-measures or by half-hearted attempts.

Truly eliminating the threat of sexual sin also involves retraining the heart to think new thoughts and cultivate new desires. This happens as we engage in God’s word, the Bible, allowing its truth to reshape our imagination (Colossians 3:1-2; Philippians 4:8). We rely on God’s Spirit, through prayer and worship, to receive the inward power we need to think and live a different way (Galatians 5:16). We draw on the help of God’s people, encouraging and receiving encouragement as we share each others’ spiritual burdens (Hebrews 3:13; Galatians 6:2).

Christians are followers of Jesus. He is our King, so we want to live his way. The Jesus Way is a life of sexual purity that extends beyond what actions we engage in or abstain from. It also reshapes how we think, what we desire, and how we look at others.

Talking Points:
  • Adultery is just the tip of the iceberg for lust – and it’s all rooted in seeing people as objects. Purity allows for the true admiration of another person. Matthew 5:27-28, Exodus 20:14
  • Sexual sin follows a predictable pattern: first eyes, then thoughts, and finally actions. Ultimately, it leads to death. Proverbs 4:25-27, Job 31:1
  • Jesus taught us to radically eliminate the threat. If you’re losing the battle, cut off the temptation triggers: apps, movies, TV. Then replace them with things of God. Colossians 3:1-3
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. How does our culture portray lust? What are some real consequences for lustful pursuits?
  3. Read Matthew 5:27-28. How can lust be seen as “stealing” from someone else? How does lust objectify someone?
  4. Read Proverbs 4:25-27 and Numbers 15:37-39. What are some practical ways you can guard your eyes from temptation? How could wearing something like a bracelet help to keep your eyes disciplined?
  5. Read Proverbs 4:23. What happens in your life when lust takes over? How has lust taken you off course in the past?
  6. Read James 1:15. What does James mean that sin leads to death? How have you seen sexual sin destroy lives?
  7. Read Matthew 5:29-30. What are some radical things people in your life have done to eliminate a threat? Where are you vulnerable and what steps might you need to take moving forward?
  8. Read Colossians 3:1-3. Review the trifecta for christian living. Which of the three do you need to grow in most?
  9. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

See Also:

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The Jesus Way of Saving Your Marriage

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In Matthew 5, Jesus explores how his people will reflect his kingship in their lives. In doing so, he teaches his listeners how to understand and apply God’s law, given in the Old Testament through Moses. He uses a series of six contrasting statements to point them beyond the common ways people understood the law toward its true intent.

Matthew 5:31-32 states Jesus’ third contrast (or “antithesis”), as he tackles the challenging subject of divorce. The law of Moses allowed a man to divorce his wife, as long as he gave her a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Yet the law did not state on what grounds a man could take that action. Jewish teachers in Jesus’ day disagreed about this. Some went so far as to say that a man could divorce his wife if she cooked a bad meal. But as before, Jesus reveals the heart behind the Old Testament law: “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Here’s the truth behind Jesus’ message:

Marriage was God’s idea, and it’s more than just a piece of paper.

This is not the only place in the Bible where Jesus taught about marriage. Taken together, his statements are rooted in God’s original vision for marriage (Genesis 2:18-25) as a holy union designed to bless men, women, and their children. In this original vision, marriage partners help, care for and complete each other. A man and a woman become one in every way, forming a new family unit. God’s plan for marriage was “very good” (Genesis 1:31).

So why did the Old Testament law permit divorce? Jesus called it a concession to human sin and brokenness (Mark 10:5). Yet when asked about divorce, Jesus did not endorse the Jewish status quo. Instead, he pointed his hearers back to God’s original design (Mark 10:6-8). Quoting Genesis 2:24, he commented, “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Mark 10:8-9).

When married couples stay together, they can experience all the blessing that comes from following God’s good design.

Divorce is not the easy way out.

Divorce is prevalent in our culture today, in part because many people look at divorce as the easy way out of an unpleasant or inconvenient situation. But divorce is rarely easy. Even under the best of circumstances, it brings unintended consequences. Divorce causes a ripple effect that disrupts the whole family. 

Jesus gives one example of the harm divorce can cause: “Everyone who divorces his wife…makes her commit adultery…” (Matthew 5:32). Why adultery? Because divorce does not dissolve the marriage in God’s eyes. Any sexual union outside of marriage is adultery, whether the marriage has been dissolved by the civil government or not. This was especially hard on women in the first century, when single women had no means of support. A divorced woman would have to marry. Her husband’s selfish action would bring harm to her by forcing her into sin.

This resonates with the warning given in Malachi 2:15-16, where God says, “I hate divorce!” One reason is the harm it does to women. “To divorce your wife,” God declares, “is to overwhelm her with cruelty” (Malachi 2:16). For example, in our own society, divorce puts a far greater financial strain and risk of poverty on women than men. There’s a second reason. Couples who don’t stay loyal to each other cannot bear and rear godly children as God desires (Mal 2:15). In light of these problems, the application that follows makes sense: “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful…” (2:16).

 While the rabbis allowed divorce for many reasons – or for no reason at all – Jesus narrowed the list of exceptions to just one: “Except on the ground of sexual immorality” (Matthew 5:32). The word for “sexual immorality” is very broad. It doesn’t mean just adultery, as there is a specific word for that (as in verse 32). Scholars and pastors disagree about just how far “sexual immorality” goes, and thus what actions specifically provide justification for divorce. But while allowing divorce in limited situations, Jesus never recommends it. It is never Plan A. Jesus’ overall approach is that divorce should never be thought of as a God-ordained, morally neutral option. Even a permissible divorce is not free of harmful consequences.

While so many today are looking for a reason to divorce, followers of Jesus should be looking for all the reasons to stay married – both to experience the goodness of God’s original plan, and to avoid the destructive results.

The Jesus Way teaches us to be selfless and to fight for our marriages.

One reason the Bible presents a high view of marriage is that marriage vividly illustrates God’s love and commitment for us, his people. Ephesians 5:25-33 explains that a husband’s selfless love for his wife models Jesus’ sacrificial love for his church. A healthy marriage is one of the best examples of deep, self-giving, Christ-like love, because each partner thinks not only of him- or herself, but of the needs and concerns of the other. In fact, a Jesus-shaped selflessness is the basis for any rich, satisfying marriage relationship.

The Ephesians passage then quotes Genesis 2:24: “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Again, the New Testament goes back, not to the provisions of the Old Testament law, but to God’s original design. This “great mystery” of marriage unity established there serves as “an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one” (Ephesians 5:32). Your marriage isn’t just about you and your spouse. It has a far greater significance even than your own happiness. Marriage is a picture of something incredibly grand that the world needs to see: the love and union between Jesus and his people. 

One final note: If you are divorced, you need to be assured of God’s unending love for you. Even though divorce hurts many people, it is not the unpardonable sin. As you agree with God’s perspective, acknowledge whatever part you had to play and come humbly to Jesus, he will forgive and restore.

Talking Points:
  • Marriage was God’s idea, and it’s about more than just a piece of paper. God’s vision was to bless men, women, and their children with a holy union. Genesis 2:18,24, Mark 10:4-6
  • Divorce is not the easy way out. It creates a ripple effect that disrupts the whole family. Matthew 5:32, Malachi 2:15-16
  • The Jesus Way teaches us to be selfless and fight for our marriages. Marriage is a living illustration of God’s commitment to us. Ephesians 5:25-26
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. How has divorce impacted your life or that of someone close to you? What would you say was the hardest thing about it?
  3. Read Genesis 2:18,24.What do you think God meant that “two become one”? What is the intended mindset of this picture? How does a healthy marriage bless an entire family?
  4. Read Mark 10:4-6. What does a hardened heart look like? How have you seen couples sabotage their marriage due to their attitude?
  5. Read Matthew 5:32 and Malachi 2:15-16. Back then, women depending on men for financial provision. What are some of the ripple effects we see in families from divorce today?
  6. What are some common reasons people choose to divorce? How does guarding one’s heart from the start help to protect against those reasons in the future?
  7. Read Ephesians 5:25-26. Jesus modeled selfless, sacrificial love for us. What does this type of love look like in marriage? If you’re married, how do you need to grow in the quality of your love for your spouse? If you’re divorced and remarried, how will you guard your current relationship from divorce?
  8. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

See Also:

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Stop Playing Games with the Truth as a Christian

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In Matthew 5, Jesus reveals how his followers are to live by making six contrasts between the common understanding of the Old Testament law versus his own authoritative application of the law. The fourth of these antitheses (Matthew 5:33-37) has to do with swearing oaths. Jesus isn’t talking about using foul language. He’s taking on the practice of invoking an oath to underscore the truthfulness of our words. We do this especially when we make promises. “I will do it; I swear it!’ As children, we fortified our promises by saying, “Cross my heart and hope to die!” You might have heard someone say, “I swear on my mother’s grave” or “I swear by all that’s holy.” Those are examples of oaths. But oaths are not necessary to uphold truth. In fact, they can be used to encourage deceit. By contrast, Jesus calls us to just tell the truth.

The Pharisees made a game out of vows and oaths.

The Old Testament law made a provision of using an oath to reinforce a vow: “A man who makes a vow to the Lord or makes a pledge under oath must never break it. He must do exactly what he said he would do” (Numbers 30:1-2). In Matthew 5:33, Jesus summarized this and other passages about oaths when he said, “You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’” Originally, the purpose of an oath was to call yourself to accountability to tell the truth, especially when making a promise to God or others. The point of this law was to insure that a person would “do exactly what he said he would do.” 

Yet over time, Jewish religious leaders created a loophole that undermined God’s original purpose. They put together a complicated system that dictated which oaths were binding and which were not. For example, the Pharisees did not consider it binding to swear “by God’s temple” but it was binding to swear “by the gold in the Temple” (Matthew 23:16). Jesus was responding to that system in Matthew 5:34-35: “But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, ‘By heaven!’ because heaven is God’s throne. And do not say, ‘By the earth!’ because the earth is his footstool. And do not say,  ‘By Jerusalem!’ for Jerusalem is the city of the great King”.

One problem with swearing oaths like this is that it fosters idolatry. Such oaths anchor your promise in something or someone other God – like the Temple or heaven. Calling someone or something else besides God as the ultimate witness of your truthfulness raises that person or thing to the level of God. You can swear by your mother’s grave, but your mother’s grave doesn’t have the power to validate your truthfulness or to hold you accountable for what you say. Only God can do that.

Another problem with oaths is that, while they were originally intended to reinforce the truth, this system of oaths did just the opposite. It actually undermined the truth. For example, rather than calling you to be accountable to God for what you say, oaths became a means to convince others that you are telling the truth (even if you aren’t). The intent of oaths was further diluted when people began using oaths to create a way out of whatever they were promising – like a child crossing his fingers behind his back. In other words, this approach to oaths encouraged dishonesty by allowing evasive oaths. This may not have been the Pharisee’s intent, but it allowed people to obey the letter of the law without actually being fully honest or taking accountability for their words and promises.

Jesus is not forbidding oaths; he’s telling us not to play games with the truth.

As we noted, vows and oaths are rooted in the Bible. The apostle Paul swore to God: “Now I call upon God as my witness that I am telling the truth” (2 Corinthians 1:23). In fact, God frequently swore by his own name (Genesis 22:16-17; Psalm 110:4; Hebrews 6:13) as a way to encourage people to fully trust in his promises. God is a God of truth. Deceit is contrary to his nature (Numbers 23:19). As his people, we’re called to reflect his character by telling the truth.

After all, swearing an oath won’t necessarily make a liar tell the truth. On the night before the cross, Peter invoked an oath to deny that he knew Jesus (Matthew 26:72). Many people in court have sworn to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and have then perjured themselves.

Rather than using oaths of any kind to undergird your truthfulness, Jesus concludes his point in Matthew 5:37 by saying, “Just a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Forget all the complex reasoning about what is a binding oath and what is not. Just tell the truth. It should never be necessary to swear an oath before making a promise. Our word should always be trustworthy enough that no oath is needed. Jesus’ teaching on this is reflected throughout the New Testament. For example, James says, “But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.” (James 5:12).

 When our words can’t be trusted, it’s hard to point people to a God who can be.

As human beings, lying comes incredibly easily to us. But there are greater consequences than just broken promises or losing people’s trust. Our truthfulness has a bearing on how people think about God. 

God never breaks his word (Hebrews 6:17-19). That means we can have great confidence in him as “a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.” But why would people believe that God is trustworthy if his own people aren’t? Why would people believe God’s promises when they can’t believe our promises? God’s faithfulness offers great hope in an ever-changing world filled with fraud and hypocrisy. When our word can’t be trusted – especially when we create loopholes to manipulate the truth – we undermine the promises of God.

If you mean “Yes,” just say “Yes.” If you mean “No,” just say “No.” You don’t need to swear an oath to tell the truth. That’s the Jesus Way of keeping your word.

Talking Points:
  • The Pharisees made a game out of vows – creating a loophole that undermined God’s original intent. The Pharisees essentially taught that your words don’t have value unless you make a certain oath. Matthew 5:33-37
  • Jesus is not forbidding oaths; he’s telling us not to play games with the truth. Everything we say is under the flagship of the ultimate Oath-Keeper. Proverbs 10:9, James 5:12
  • When our words can’t be trusted, it’s hard to point people to a God who can be. Hebrews 6:17-19
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Have you or someone you know been falsely accused of something? How did that impact your/their life? Why is the truth so important in these situations?
  3. Read Matthew 5:33-37 and Matthew 23:16-19. What are some loopholes people use today to break promises?
  4. Read Numbers 23:19. God is the ultimate oath-keeper. What is ultimately exposed in people who don’t keep their promises?
  5. Read Proverbs 10:9 and James 5:12. What does James mean by “let your yes be yes”? How have you been guilty of breaking a promise because you waffled or were noncommittal? How did that disappoint those involved?
  6. Read Hebrews 6:17-19. Would you say the people in your life are confident that you will keep your word? Explain. How do you need to grow in truth-telling?
  7. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

See Also:

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Be the Bigger Person the Jesus Way

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In the fifth of the six “antitheses” of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus responds to a part of the Old Testament law called the lex talionis or law of retaliation (Exodus 21:24). In Matthew 5:38, Jesus quotes part of it:  “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’” The principle behind this law was to insure that “whatever anyone does to injure another person must be paid back in kind” (Leviticus 24:20). In other words, this principle ensured that in Israel’s legal system, outrageous punishments were not permitted. The punishment had to fit the crime.

The reason Jesus addressed this law is that individuals began applying it outside of the legal system to justify personal revenge. The correction he offers in Matthew 5:38-42 is challenging. It goes against the grain. When people are hurtful, demanding or abusive, it’s natural to want to protect our rights and interests first, to settle the score, or to recoil against other peoples’ demands or threats. But Jesus’ alternative to retaliation is to be the bigger person: to trust God and bless others – even those who wrong you. He uses four commonplace life situations to show us what that means.

Take an insult when you want to hit back.

First, Jesus says, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39). This is not about the physical pain of a slap to the face as much as about the insult and humiliation that act expresses. So instead of using the lex talionis as justification to strike back, Jesus’ disciples will gladly endure insult a second time. This reflects the heart of the Old Testament law expressed in Leviticus 19:18: “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge…, but love your neighbor as yourself.”

In each of these four examples, Jesus is challenging our self-protective instincts. In this case, our instinct will be to protect our dignity by evening the score against the other person. But Jesus calls for us to be the bigger person and let it go.

Be a blessing when you have every right not to be.

In the second scenario, Jesus addresses our instinct to protect our own rights. He says, “And if you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat as well” (Matthew 5:40). The shirt here is a person’s tunic, the garment worn against the skin. The coat is their outer cloak. In the Old Testament law, a creditor could take a person’s cloak as collateral against an unpaid loan, but the cloak had to be returned at night. It was a poor person’s only protection against the cold. This provision is an expression of God’s mercy (Exodus 22:26-27). 

A person had a legal right to keep their outer garment. Yet Jesus says, “If they sue you for your shirt, give them your cloak as well.” In God’s kingdom, our standard is not just what the law may allow us to do or keep to protect ourselves. Our standard is the merciful heart of God himself. What no one has the right to take away, we still have the right to freely give. 

 Every scenario Jesus poses in these verses requires a person to trust God: with their honor and dignity; with their possessions; and with the basic necessities of life. Jesus himself is the prime example of this. 1 Peter 2:21-23 reminds us that Jesus “never sinned, nor ever deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.” We don’t have to struggle to protect our rights. We can fully trust God to make sure we’ll be okay in the end.

 Go the extra mile when you get a tough assignment.

The third situation Jesus brings up was based on a common practice in the Roman empire. In Matthew 5:41, we read, “If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles.” A Roman soldier had the right to draft anyone along the road as a laborer. That person then had to work or travel alongside for 1,000 steps. For example, Romans soldiers chose Simon of Cyrene out of the crowd along the roadway to carry Jesus’ cross to Calvary (Mark 15:21).

In today’s world, nobody will force you to carry their gear for a mile. But you might have a demanding boss who always gives you the extra work, or a coach who never lets up. Jesus says, “Do more than just what you have to do.” Again, this is motivated by thinking of others, not just ourselves. But it’s not necessarily compassion for that demanding individual. In Jesus’ day, if you fulfilled your required 1,000 steps, that soldier will just pick someone else to do the work for the next 1,000 steps. When we “go the second mile,” we’re sparing someone else from being drafted into duty.

Be generous when you find someone in need.

Finally, Jesus gives this last application: “Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow” (Matthew 5:42). Jesus is most likely talking about the poor. God has always demonstrated a heart for people in need, and he urged us to act accordingly. Deuteronomy 15:7-11 calls out four attitudes that are unworthy of God’s people: don’t be hard-hearted, tightfisted, mean-spirited, or begrudging in giving. This passage reminds the people how richly God has blessed them, so they will turn around and be a blessing to others.

When Jesus gave a similar message (in a different place and time), he connected this section with “the golden rule. “Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you” (Luke 6:30-31). Then he ended the sermon by saying, “You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate” (Luke 6:36). In other words, Christ-followers focus on others, not just their own needs and rights.

In this case, as with the other examples, Jesus is challenging our self-protective instincts: our instinct to protect our dignity, to protect our legal rights, to protect our time and effort, and now, to protect our financial assets. The question is: can we trust God with all those things? If we trust God to protect us in all these ways, we can be generous with forgiveness, time, effort, and finances as well.

In this passage, Jesus calls us to some very challenging attitudes and actions. This is not our default reaction to being wronged, hurt or coerced. So how are we able to live this way? The answer is that if you follow Jesus, you have a new nature! God promised Israel that one day, he would put his instructions deep within their hearts (Jeremiah 31:33). He also promised, “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you” (Ezekiel 36:27). No one can follow the Jesus Way just by trying harder or being better. It takes a new nature to live a new way. That is exactly what God has done!

Talking Points:
  • Take an insult when you want to hit back. When someone slaps you in the face, hang in there for another one. Matthew 5:38-42
  • Be a blessing when you have every right not to be. Just because you would win in court does not mean you always have to go there. 1 Peter 2:21-23
  • Go the extra mile when you get a tough assignment. Have a servant’s heart, because if you don’t serve someone else will have to.
  • Be generous when you find someone in need. Look out for these non-Christian traits: hard-hearted, mean-spirited, grudging, tightfisted. Deuteronomy 15:7-11
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Share a time you were the bigger person in a conflict. What was required of you and what was the result?
  3. Read Leviticus 19:17-18. Share a time you were insulted by someone. How did you respond? How do these verses challenge you regarding that person?
  4. Read Exodus 22:26-27 and 1 Peter 2:21-23. What are some examples of ways Christians can choose to bless instead of taking lawful action in a situation? Do you know someone who’s done that? Explain.
  5. Read Deuteronomy 15:7-11. Share a time someone has been really generous toward you. How did that impact you?
  6. Read Ezekiel 36:26-27. How have you been guilty of being hard-hearted or tightfisted with your money? What will you do to grow in this area?
  7. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

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Love Your Enemies the Jesus Way

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Today’s topic is about life’s most difficult relationships. Think of the people who haven’t been good to you, who don’t like you, who oppose you and treat you badly. What Jesus says about our response to these difficult people shows how radically different the Jesus Way is from what comes naturally to our hearts.

God never actually said to love your neighbor and hate your enemy.

Jesus opens this final section with his sixth and final contrast: “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” (Matthew 5:43-44). Jesus quotes the Old Testament law when he says “Love your neighbor” (Leviticus 19:18). But nothing in God’s word ever says, “Hate your enemy.” This is an example of how we are prone to twist the Bible to say what we want it to say. People wanted to love those neighbors they liked, who liked them. But Jesus applies the law to neighbors who don’t like us and may try to harm us. Most of us believe our animosity toward such people is justified, but Jesus says to love them.

This doesn’t mean we have to like mean people. Biblical love isn’t just about affection or good feelings. It’s a decision of the will to choose that person’s good. The most obvious way to do that is to pray for them (Matthew 5:44). The Bible also says, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink” (Romans 12:20).

Why would Jesus tell us to treat our enemies this way? Because it’s actually for our good.

The world’s way imprisons us, but the Jesus Way sets us free.

Jesus’ command to love our enemies is so revolutionary that it’s tempting to dismiss it as pure idealism that can’t work in the real world. But when we don’t do that, it takes a practical toll in our lives.

First, when we hate our enemies, we typically end up camouflaging our own sin. Putting so much emotional energy into what others have done to us masks our own bad attitudes and choices. Also, when we hang on to hate, we get stuck in bitterness. Animosity, hatefulness and revenge begin to dominate our soul. That trap is hard to escape. Third, hating someone chains us to them. They are always in our thoughts. Our obsession with them creates an emotional tether that won’t let us escape.

 When you love your enemy, you connect yourself to the “yoke” of Jesus.

Jesus makes it clear that loving our enemies sets us apart from most people: “If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much” (Matthew 5:46). Loving the people who love us is no big win. Even criminals care about their own families and friends. But when we love our enemies, it shows that we are different. 

More than that, loving our enemies actually makes us different. For example, when we love those who sin against us, it’s easier to admit that we also sin. We begin to view those people through a lens of grace and mercy, as we realize that is how Jesus views us. When we choose the best for people who oppose or hurt us, we free ourselves to forgive. The emotional chain that binds us to them is broken.

Finally, when we love those difficult people, we connect ourselves to the yoke of Jesus. Jesus often used word pictures from the agricultural world. In Matthew 11:29-30, he referred to the way oxen work together to pull a cart: “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” When two oxen are yoked together, the stronger ox does the greater work. Jesus is strong while we are weak. We desperately need him. The yoke also ensures that the oxen pull together, not against each other. When we love our enemies, we are pulling in the same direction as Jesus. Only when we are united with him can we overcome the ugliness of sin that stains our relationships. We become free to seek God’s best even for our enemies.

Blessing our enemies is the ultimate expression of the Jesus Way.

Jesus’ command to love our enemies expresses the Jesus Way because it reflects the heart of God. Matthew 5:45 says, “In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunshine to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.” God is good even to people who don’t like him. He grants blessings to people who oppose and defy him. When we act the same way, we prove that we are truly God’s children, because we reflect God’s heart for people. Jesus added, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). The word “perfect” means “complete” or “mature.” This is not saying that we can ever be infinitely perfect or holy like God. Jesus is simply asking his followers to love in the same way our Father in heaven loves. 

Blessing our enemies also expresses the Jesus Way because it mirrors what Jesus himself has done for us. Romans 5:10-11 describes how our friendship with God was restored by the death of Jesus, so that “now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God.” The central theme of the Bible is that Jesus died for us to make us right with God. But verse 10 says – surprisingly – that he did this “while we were still his enemies.” He loved us even though we deserved his condemnation. So when we love our enemies, we’re acting like Jesus did. As long as we keep on hating, we are out of step with the heart and action of Jesus toward us.

We all know by experience that, in our own resources and ability, we can never love our enemies. That’s why it’s good to remember that the Christian life is a supernatural life. It can only be lived by divine resources. Loving our enemies doesn’t happen by gritting our teeth and trying harder to love. It happens as we surrender our broken attitudes and hateful spirit to God, own up to the ways we haven’t chosen the good for others, and call out for his transforming work in our lives. Then, we act in concrete ways to love even the most unlovable people, based on his power at work within.

Talking Points:
  • God never actually said to love your neighbor and hate your enemy. Our culture has authorized the idea of hate for those who wrong you. Matthew 5:43-44, Leviticus 19:18
  • The world’s way imprisons us, but the Jesus Way sets us free. When you hate your enemy you camouflage your sin and you’re stuck in bitterness which only chains you to your enemy.
  • When you love your enemy you can be honest about your own sin which gives you a willingness to forgive and connects you to the “yoke” of Jesus. Matthew 11:29-30, Matthew 5:46-47
  • Blessing our enemies is the ultimate expression of the Jesus Way. Be good even to those who aren’t good to you. Matthew 5:45, Romans 5:10-11
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Who is your enemy or a difficult person to love in your life? Explain.
  3. Read Matthew 5:43-44 and Leviticus 19:18. Why do people like to be bitter? How does bitterness tend to enslave us?
  4. Read Matthew 11:29-30. How have you been carrying around a burden of hatred toward someone? What would it look like to give it over to Jesus?
  5. Read Matthew 5:46-47. What is Jesus’ point here? Who do you need to forgive and what does that look like for you?
  6. Read Romans 5:10-11. What did Jesus model for us? How does Jesus’ willingness to love you despite your offenses change the way you look at those who offend you? How can you bless those who have dishonored you?
  7. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

See Also: