This series is about what is commonly known as the parable of the Prodigal Son. In a way, that’s a misnomer, because the father, not the son, is actually the main character. Jesus told the parable to illustrate a truth about God the Father. 

Think about the audience Jesus was addressing that day. Luke 15:1-2 says: “Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. This made the Pharisees and teachers of the religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people – even eating with them!” In short, the rule-keepers were upset that Jesus was spending time with rule-breakers. In response, Jesus wanted the rule-keepers to understand God differently. In fact, as the story unfolds throughout this series, we see that both rule-keepers and rule-breakers need a bigger picture of God.

In essence, God is a Prodigal God. The dictionary definition of “prodigal” is “spending money or resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant.” While the son was wasteful with his inheritance (Luke 15:11-16), the father was also extravagant – toward his lost son. This is a picture of God’s attitude toward everyone who is far from him.

The Father chases down those who are lost.

Jesus led into the parable of the prodigal son with two short introductory parables. In the first (Luke 15:3-4) a man has a hundred sheep. When one of them gets lost, he leaves the ninety-nine to go search for the one. Jesus pictures God as relentlessly concerned with the people who weren’t safe and secure in the flock.

In the second short parable (Luke 15:8) Jesus describes a woman who lost one of her ten silver coins. Put yourself in the shoes of a person who just lost one-tenth of her total life assets. Her response is not indifferent or passive. Instead, she looks closely at every corner of the house until she finds the lost coin.

In the third story, the father has the same attitude. His son had made conscious choices that put him far away from his father. Now, as the rule-breaker hesitantly returns, not knowing what his father will say or do, Jesus says, “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). It appears that the father was watching and waiting for his son, whenever his duties allowed. Then, when he saw him, he closed the gap between him and his son as fast as he could. He did not wait calmly for his son to arrive, but hiked up his robes, threw his dignity to the wind, and sprinted to him.

Many people see God as passive or disinterested in our lives. But Jesus told these stories to remove any doubt about God’s heart toward us. God is eager to find and restore those who have wandered away.

The Father responds with joy when a sinner repents.

Again, the first two parables set the stage for how the father treats his lost son. In Luke 15:5-6, when the shepherd finds his lost sheep, he joyfully carries it home. Then he calls all his friends together for a party. The same is true with the woman who lost her precious coin (Luke 15:9-10). In verse 10, Jesus underscores the larger meaning of the story: “In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.”

Likewise, the father threw a party when his lost son returned home (Luke 15:23). Many people think God is disgusted or hostile toward sinners. Many churches treat sinners who show up with suspicion and hold outsiders at arm’s length. Families ostracize their members who don’t measure up. Certainly, sin is an offense against a holy God. But in these parables, Jesus reveals a God who breaks out in joy whenever someone far from him comes home. The Father’s heart is reflected in the very culture of heaven (Luke 15:10), as angels share God’s joy over a sinner who repents.

The Father is recklessly extravagant toward his children.

As Jesus described the response of the father to his lost son, he invited the rule-breakers to believe that God would want to forgive and welcome them. He challenged the rule-keepers to believe that God could love and value rule-breakers. Not only did the father run to embrace his son, he went all out to welcome him home. In Luke 15:22-24, the father called for his finest robe and gave it to his son. He called for a ring to place on his son’s finger. If this was a family signet ring, it symbolized his reinstatement to sonship. He called for sandals for his son’s feet. Since slaves or impoverished workers often did not wear sandals, the father was declaring, “I will not take you back as a servant. I will receive you only as my son.” Then the father ordered preparations to be made for an extravagant, expensive feast.

Again, this was a shock to Jesus’ hearers. They might have expected the father to reject his son, to punish him, or to make him earn his way back into the family. Instead, the father welcomes his son just as God welcomes us – with an all-out celebration.

The rule-keepers see God – and a relationship with God – in the wrong light. They see it in terms of righteous behavior. The son did not deserve to be welcomed, much less celebrated, because he hadn’t proven himself worthy. God sees a relationship with us very differently. As the father said (verse 24), “This son of mine was dead and has now returned to life.” To the father, it wasn’t just a matter of a bad son coming home. He saw a dead son coming back to life!

In Luke 15:20, when the father saw his son approaching, he was “filled with love and compassion.” These words closely mirror a common biblical phrase the rule-keepers in the crowd would have known well. Psalm 103:8 is only one place that states: “The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.” So Jesus’ message wasn’t new. But every generation needs to hear it anew. God “does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve” (Psalm 103:10). The prodigal son deserved to be rejected. We deserve condemnation for our sins. Instead, in his extravagant love, God gives us what we do not deserve: forgiveness, grace, blessing, celebration, and more. This is the kind of God he is.

We’ve seen in the parable of the prodigal son that if you are far from God – no matter how far – there is still hope for you. That’s true whether you are a rule-breaker or a rule-keeper. It may seem surprising, but ironically rule-keepers may be farther from God than rule-breakers. This is the lesson of the prodigal’s older brother.Not every rule-keeper is far from God, but those who are can be identified by  five marks that show up in this parable. . 

Mark #1: You work for yourself, not for the benefit of others.

In our last lesson, the lost son, after wasting his inheritance in wild living, came to his senses and returned home. He hoped his father would allow him to come back as a servant. But the father joyfully received him as a long-lost son. He ordered a lavish party to celebrate the young man’s return.

During the party, the older son came in from working in the fields. He heard the sounds of celebration, and asked what it was about (Luke 15:25-27). Is it realistic to think that he was the only person who didn’t know what was happening? Perhaps Jesus exaggerates this detail to underline how isolated the older brother is from the community – and the family.

As the story unfolds, we learn that the older brother’s work was mainly for himself. He thought highly of himself because of his efforts. His work established his value and importance. He didn’t really care about his brother. Later, the story raises doubts about how much he even cared about his father. In this way, the older brother mirrored the Jewish leaders. They were proud of their rule-keeping, self-righteous and self-sufficient. 

Mark #2: You get mad at God for his extravagance to others.

When he heard what was going on, “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in” (Luke 15:28).  The celebration for his brother bothered him deeply. Compare this to the other characters in these three parables. When the shepherd found his lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7), the woman found her lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), and the father found his lost son (Luke 15:20-24), they all rejoiced – because they so valued what had been lost. Only the older brother fails to reflect the culture of heaven (Luke 15:7,10). Rule-keepers often resent the grace of God to others because they value themselves much more highly than them. When this happens, it might be because of the third issue…

Mark #3: You’re blind to God’s extravagance toward you.

The older brother’s attitude reveals a lot about his own relationship with his father. In Luke 15:28, as he was sulking outside the party, “his father came out and begged him…” In that culture, when the older son publicly refused to enter the party, he turned the family dispute into public news. This would have insulted his father’s dignity as much as the younger brother had done when he took his inheritance and left town. 

Yet instead of punishing him, the father overlooked the grievance. He willingly sacrificed his own honor because he wanted reconciliation with his son. He wanted the family united with him in his joy. The father’s attitude toward the older son was not unlike his attitude toward the younger. In both cases, he ignored the offense and pursued the relationship. But the older son was blind to how generous and gracious his father was to him. This makes sense when you consider the next point…

Mark #4: You look at relationships transactionally.

In response to his father’s appeal, the older son’s heart was revealed (Luke 15:28-30): ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

Notice first that the son failed to greet his father with a title of respect – like “Father” or “Sir”. Even the younger son honored his father that way (Luke 15:21). Second, he did not want a relationship with his brother: “this son of yours.” 

Then, he emphasized all the things he had done for his father, and the ways his father had failed to do something for him. This is a transactional relationship, meaning: if you do one thing, the other party is expected to do something for you. The older son had held up his end, but his father did not fulfill what he expected. And clearly his younger brother did not deserve what he received. But the older son has missed his father’s heart. He was entitled and resentful because he was keeping score. Yet his father was joyful because his dead son had come back to life (Luke 15:32). He was touting his faithful service, but his father wanted not a servant, but a son. 

Many Jews of Jesus’ day were scrupulous about keeping God’s Old Testament law. In response, they expected God to bless and honor them. They had reduced their relationship with God to a contract. Likewise, many religious people today think God is obligated to reward their service. They think, “If I give financially, God has to reward me financially. If I obey God, God owes me a comfortable life.” But God doesn’t want to make a deal with us. He wants intimacy, connection, and love. 

Mark #5: You stay on the outside.

Jesus ends the story in a provocative way. In Luke 15:31-32, the father tries to win the older brother’s heart. But Jesus never tells us what the older brother chose. Did he relent and come inside? Or did he remain angry and bitter, estranged from his father? The parable ends with the older brother still on the outside. Nothing in the story suggests that he admitted he was wrong, or surrendered to his father’s wishes. Jesus leaves it hanging so that if you’re a rule-keeper, you will ask yourself what you would do in the older brother’s shoes.

Surprisingly, rule-keepers can be far from God just like rule-breakers.  But you don’t have to stay on the outside, if you would come to your senses and repent. If you humble yourself and admit that your rule-keeping doesn’t save you, you can move from being a mere servant to a beloved son or daughter of God.

In this series, we have learned of God’s generous heart toward rule-breakers and rule-keepers alike. In this final lesson, let’s get practical for those who have a prodigal in their lives – and aren’t sure what to do. Who is that person for you? Maybe it’s a child, a friend, even a spouse who has wandered away from God and still hasn’t returned. 

How do you help that person? You have confronted them. You have spoken the truth to them, but they’re still lost. Today might be a good time to evaluate your approach, by considering five tips for how to love a prodigal in your life. 

Tip #1: Be honest about your own brokenness.

Jesus taught in Luke 6:41-42 that before we offer correction to someone else, we need to look at ourselves: “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” He’s not saying that we should never speak truth to a prodigal, but when we do, we should recognize our own weakness and sin first.

Some of us don’t really own up to our brokenness. Like the older brother in the parable (Luke 15:29-30), we assume that the prodigal is the only real sinner in our family or friend group. That attitude can come across as unapproachable or holier-than-thou. Yet when we acknowledge our own sinfulness, our humility can open a person’s heart to hear.

When we’re honest about our brokenness, we’re actually modeling the gospel. God’s good news message is not about measuring up. It’s about broken people (like us) who need Jesus, not just at the beginning of the Christian life, but every day.

Tip #2. Be the one to absorb the offense.

Be aware of an unhealthy cycle we can fall into with a prodigal. When they sin, we get frustrated and come down hard. As a result, they want to rebel even more. We, in turn, become even more unforgiving and judgemental. 

Someone has to break the cycle. Romans 15:1-2 says that this is the obligation of those who are spiritually stronger, as. we bear with the failings of those who are weak in faith. The greatest example of this is Jesus himself. He absorbed the offense of our sins for us, even though we didn’t deserve it. In practice, this could mean reacting with patience and gentleness to your prodigal’s offenses. For example, sometimes it’s better not to point out a problem – especially if it’s something you’ve brought up often in the past. 

As the unhealthy cycle is broken, this creates an environment in your home or friend group that the prodigal will want to return to. In the parable, when the son was at his lowest point, he thought of his father and his home favorably (Luke 15:17-19). If the prodigal in your life is a family member, is your home a place where they would want to return one day? Is it a gracious, loving environment? As we saw in Luke 15:7, the culture of heaven is to rejoice when a lost person is found. What is the culture in your home – judgment or joy? 

Tip #3. In your extravagance, don’t enable sin.

This raises a challenging question: if we absorb an offense, are we enabling sin? Galatians 6:1-2 calls us to actively seek to restore someone who is overcome by some sin. How do we confront sin while being patient with it? Sometimes we can push too hard. At other times we don’t push hard enough.

The case could be made that in the parable, the prodigal’s father enabled his son’s sin by giving him his inheritance early. That gave the young man the means to pursue a wild life (Luke 15:13). But the son moved far away from his father’s influence. When we have an ongoing relationship with a prodigal, how far does forbearance go before it becomes enabling? There is no simple answer. You need to work this out by talking with your spouse, godly friends, a pastor, or a mentor. Just remember that your prodigal is ultimately responsible for his or her own choices, which leads to the next point.

Tip #4. Stop trying to control every outcome.

Jesus offers great wisdom for every anxious situation in our lives: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34). His point is that God is in control; we’re not. 

This attitude is reflected in the famous “Serenity Prayer”: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” In the end, we cannot change or control the prodigals in our lives. They must make their own decisions. 

Let’s be honest: sometimes the way we express disapproval to our prodigals is really just an attempt to control them. Even though they already know where we stand, we feel the need to express our displeasure again and again. Why? I suspect many of us use disapproval to apply pressure to get them to comply. Yet whatever approach you might use to control the prodigals around us, remember that even God the Father doesn’t make our decisions for us. He doesn’t force us to pursue him. So instead of worrying over and trying to control anyone, here’s our final principle… 

Tip #5. Pray that God will do whatever it takes.

In John 16:7-8, Jesus explained that when he left for heaven, he would send the Holy Spirit: “When he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.” This is a great reminder for those of us who love prodigals. Only the Holy Spirit can bring them to their senses (Luke 15:17). We can’t convict anyone of sin. When you try, it never works because it’s not your job. Only the Holy Spirit can change anyone’s heart.

That’s why our recourse is to pray. In John 16, even Jesus made way for the Holy Spirit. He left so that the Spirit could do what he does. How much more does that apply to moms, dads, mentors, and friends who are tempted to do the Spirit’s job in a prodigal’s life? Be willing to leave room for the Holy Spirit to do his part.

As you pray for your prodigal, keep Philippians 1:6 in mind:

I am certain that God, who began the good work in you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

There is hope for every prodigal. We do our part by having the right attitude as we interact wisely with them. Then we trust God to do what only he can do to bring the prodigal home.