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Modern culture often depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes, like a wave that rises and falls at the mercy of our emotions. This can lead to many couples using this unrealistic standard to measure the quality of love in their marriage. They may begin to doubt the strength of their love when they don’t feel the same intense emotions they did at the beginning of their relationship.

However, the Bible paints a different picture for marital love. According to scripture, love is a choice, not just a feeling. Love is based on a promise and is represented by our marriage vows. In Mark 10:2-9, Jesus teaches about the sanctity of marriage and the importance of keeping one’s promises. Proverbs 20:25 states, “It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows.”

The ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church. He gave up his life for his “bride” even though he didn’t feel like it. In Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul writes about how Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

Christ’s love for the church is the perfect example of what love should look like in a marriage. It is a choice to love, even when we don’t feel like it. It is a promise to love and cherish, even when things are difficult. It is a sacrifice to love, even when it requires giving up something for the sake of the other person.

In conclusion, modern culture depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes, but the Bible teaches that love is a choice, based on a promise and represented by marriage vows. The ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church, and by following this example, we can have a strong and lasting love in our marriages.

Talking Points:
  • Modern culture depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes. Many couples use this unrealistic standard to measure the quality of love in their marriage.
  • The Bible paints a different picture for marital love: Love is a choice, not just a feeling. Love is based on a promise and is represented by our marriage vows. Proverbs 20:25
  • The ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church. He gave up his life for his “bride” even though he didn’t feel like it. Ephesians 5:25-27
Discussion:
  1. Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
  2. Review the Couple’s Survey. Highlight any discrepancies or areas of concern. Revisit those problem areas as you move through each lesson in the series.
  3. Describe how you think our culture (through entertainment or popular opinion) views love and marriage. Explain. How might those views be fueling the divorce rate in our country?
  4. Make two lists: (1) good feelings you’ve felt in your relationship (2) bad feelings you’ve felt in your relationship. How have those feelings helped and hurt your relationship?
  5. Read Proverbs 20:25. Do you think most couples understand the commitment they’re making on their wedding day? Explain. Review the common vows you hear in a wedding. Why do we choose to say those things?
  6. Read Ephesians 5:25-27. What did Christ do to set his bride (the Church) apart? List some sacrifices you anticipate making once you’re married. Explain your list.
  7. Homework: Watch the 5 love languages to discover your love languages and come next session with some practical ways you will start speaking your partner’s love language.

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