In this lesson we list 5 practical tips for marriage mentoring – helping you to keep it simple as you listen, clarify, and love in your mentoring relationship.
Be a good listener
This will help you to fight the urge to dominate the conversation. The couple is really the expert on their relationship so listen to what they describe the problems to be. Encourage the couple to be good listeners to each other, too.
Ask questions for clarification
Don’t ever be afraid to ask questions. It’s always better for you to stop and ask for clarification, so you can understand what they are saying, than to be totally lost and miss opportunities to offer wisdom or insight.
Be ready to speak the truth in love
Remember, you are serving as a mentor to this couple. You both entered into this relationship understanding that you were coming alongside them to help build up their marriage. You need to be bold, seasoned with love. There will be times that you will need to call one of them out for unhealthy behavior. There will be times that you need to bring scripture into the conversation and challenge them to see things God’s way.
Be the referee when necessary
When someone is sharing about their hurts or frustrations, they can get emotional about it. As the mentor, make sure to keep those emotions in check. A conversation can quickly derail due to a person’s tone, body language, or facial expressions. If you sense that things are escalating, step in and redirect the conversation. Call a “foul” if someone gets out of line.
Evaluate the process
If marriage mentoring is working, you will see growth in the individuals and in their marriage. When you see progress, stay the course. However, if you feel like you continually get stuck on one issue or one person seems to always derail the meeting, then it might be time to stop. Don’t hesitate to offer your observations as to where you feel like things aren’t working and don’t be afraid to say you feel their issue needs professional attention.
Discussion Questions:
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Share your initial thoughts about these tips. Which one(s) jump out to you the most? Which one worries you the most?
- Why is listening so important to the mentoring experience? How will it help you to be a better mentor?
- How comfortable are you with asking questions? Why is clarity important?
- How do you feel about speaking the truth in love? What will be hard? Why is it an important skill?
- What does a good referee do in a sports context? What value can it have in the mentoring context?
- List the things you should evaluate along the way. How will you know if mentoring is serving its purpose or not? How will you know when it has run its course?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
