Emotions are universal.
Emotions are a naturally occurring response to a situation. Part of that response is physiological. For example, anger increases blood pressure, and sends a wave of chemicals to make your body ready for action. Your body is wired by God to react a certain way in certain circumstances.
Emotions have a purpose.
The purpose of emotions is to get our attention and demand a response. Emotions like fear can protect you. Emotions like anger or shame can impel you to take appropriate action. God can also use emotions to help you reflect on what’s happening beneath the surface in your life. Emotions can be a gauge of issues buried deep within the soul.
Men are different from women.
Neuroscience suggests key differences are biological. MRI brain studies of men and women show how the centers of emotion in the brain react. Women are not more emotional than men, but do process emotions differently. For one, women tend to be more emotionally sensitive or reactive than men. Women can also express emotions verbally better than men. Men, this is not a fault. The inner architecture of your brains is wired a certain way. Since God created these differences, men don’t have to be or act like women when it comes to their emotional life.
Society dictates how men express emotions.
Brain chemistry is not the only factor at play. Different cultures favor different styles of emotional expression. In our society, we are told that it’s okay for men to be angry, and to express anger with violence in some situations but not in others. For example, you can fight another man, but not strike a woman or child. Our society tells us that it’s a weakness for men to express their feelings, especially ones like fear or sadness. Growing up, we heard, “Big boys don’t cry” and “Take it like a man.” It’s more socially acceptable for women to express these kind of feelings than men.
The Bible validates men’s emotions.
If you’re a Christian, you want to take your cue from what the Bible says. For example, David was a warrior king. He did many heroic exploits and won many battles. But when his infant son was dying, he wept and refused to eat (2 Samuel 12). Later, when an adult son rebelled against him and was killed in the process, David cried openly (2 Samuel 18:33).
Jesus also expressed a whole range of emotions, including anger.
Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”
That seems like a manly expression of emotion, according to our culture. But Jesus also wept in public over the death of a friend (John 11:35).
What should men do with their emotions?
- Don’t deny or stuff them. They are part of how God created you. Men don’t have to be like women in order to feel and express emotions. So be aware of your emotions and don’t pretend they aren’t real.
- Allow them to teach you. Have the courage to ask, “Why am I feeling this? What is causing me to be angry? To feel this fear?” These questions can reveal important issues beneath the surface that you might otherwise not recognize. Once you’re tuned in, you can address those issues in a healthy way.
- Don’t let them rule your choices. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. Then respond to those feelings in a way that honors God. Choose to act based on God’s word and God’s truth rather than on the impulse of the emotion.
Again, men are different from women. That doesn’t mean men don’t have emotions. Men can learn to respond to emotions in a way that is honest yet also brings honor to God.
Discussion Questions:
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- How are men and women alike emotionally? How are they different?
- What are some of the messages society sends men about emotions? How valid are these messages?
- Why do men often tend to deny or stuff their emotions? What is the result?
- What can our emotions teach us? Why is this valuable?
- How does the Bible help you understand how emotions can work for men?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
