Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.
People throw around phrases about how they promise to do things or not to do things all of the time. In your marriage, however, it is important that you place value on your words and the words of your spouse by speaking truth, keeping your integrity, and remembering what Jesus says about vows.
Don’t vow to add value to your words
It is easy to think that people, or even God, will find that we mean what we say more when we add sweeping statements to our promises.
Matthew 5:34-37 But I say, don’t make any vows! If you say, ‘By heaven!’ it is a sacred vow because heaven is God’s throne. And if you say, ‘By the earth!’ it is a sacred vow because the earth is his footstool… Don’t even swear, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple ‘Yes, I will’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Your word is enough. To strengthen your promise with a vow shows that something is wrong.
When we feel that we need to swear by something to add value to our words, we’re missing the point of making a promise. Like Jesus says above, our word alone should be enough so long as we are being honest and true.
Take a look at how this applies to marriage.
Don’t trade integrity for the little lies
While it can be tempting to save your spouse the emotional stress that comes with telling the truth, even if the lie is small, you are giving up the ability others had to trust you. Simply telling the truth, even when it hurts, can save you and your spouse a lot of pain later.
Don’t exaggerate
You are interesting, important, and what you have to say is valuable. God placed you in your spouse’s life for a reason. This means that even if you feel like what you have to say could use some excitement added to it, exaggeration is not only unnecessary, but hurtful if your spouse finds out that what you’re saying is dishonest.
Don’t lose integrity to placate your spouse
It’s irresponsible and dishonest to make promises to your spouse just so they will stop asking you to do something. Only promise to do things that you will actually do. Jesus told us to be servants out of love, and this is magnified in a marriage. Do good works for your spouse, and make sure that you keep your word as valuable as it should be.
Marriage is a process, and trust needs to be continuously earned with every word and action. The best way to do this is speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Discussion Questions:
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- Read Matthew 5:37. How does this relate to marriage? How does this relate to life in general?
- On a scale of 1-10, rank your integrity. Then rank your spouse’s integrity. Defend your answers.
- Do you question the truthfulness of your spouse’s perspective all of the time, some of the time, or never? Explain.
- Do you agree that trust is earned in a marital relationship? Why or why not?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
