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Five Things about Vulnerable Narcissism: 

  1. Core Features: Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a combination of narcissistic traits and a tendency towards vulnerability and insecurity. Individuals with vulnerable narcissism may display self-centeredness, entitlement, and a constant need for validation and admiration, while also experiencing significant self-doubt, hypersensitivity to criticism, and feelings of shame or inadequacy.
  2. Mask of Fragility: Vulnerable narcissists often present themselves as fragile and sensitive individuals who require special attention and care. They may appear modest or self-effacing on the surface, but underneath, they harbor a deep-seated need for constant affirmation and reassurance. This mask of fragility can be manipulative, as it elicits sympathy and support from others while maintaining a sense of superiority.
  3. Avoidant Coping: Vulnerable narcissists employ various coping mechanisms to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may engage in avoidance strategies such as social withdrawal, passive-aggressive behavior, or excessive fantasizing to shield themselves from potential threats to their self-image. These individuals may struggle with criticism or failure, often perceiving them as personal attacks rather than opportunities for growth.
  4. Covert Grandiosity: Unlike the overt grandiosity commonly associated with classic or grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissists manifest their grandiose fantasies and desires in a more covert manner. They may engage in daydreaming, idealizing others, or seeking special treatment while downplaying their own accomplishments or achievements. This covert grandiosity serves to preserve their fragile self-esteem and maintain a sense of superiority without drawing attention to themselves.
  5. Relationship Dynamics: In interpersonal relationships, vulnerable narcissists often seek out individuals who can provide them with the constant validation they crave. They may become dependent on others for emotional support and have difficulty empathizing with their partner’s needs. This can lead to a cycle of idealization and devaluation, as vulnerable narcissists oscillate between adoration and resentment when their expectations are not met. Ultimately, these relationship dynamics can be challenging and emotionally draining for both parties involved.
Talking Points:
  • Narcissism is an inflated, grandiose self-image. To varying degrees, narcissists feel that they are more important than other people.
  • “Grandiose” narcissism is a personality trait, characterized by extroversion, dominance and attention-seeking.
  • “Vulnerable” narcissists are often quiet and easily threatened, with a strong sense of entitlement. They tend to be more introverted, insecure, and extremely sensitive to criticism. This form of narcissism can be difficult to identify, as vulnerable narcissists hide their true nature behind façades of self-doubt and self-consciousness. 
  • How to manage the relationship:
    • Boundaries and expectations. Narcissists will constantly test your boundaries and look for ways around them to meet their own needs. Don’t expect that they’ll see your needs.
    • Don’t try to reason with them. Any perceived criticism or challenge will be met with their defenses, gaslighting or attack. State facts, verbalize your perspective calmly and end the conversation. 
    • Seek counseling and emotional support for yourself.
Discussion:
  1. Why is narcissism toxic to relationships? How have you experienced this?
  2. Who is the vulnerable narcissist in your life? How have you tried to manage this relationship?
  3. What boundaries do you need to put in place right now? How do you need to adjust your expectations?
  4. Read Romans 12:18. What does peace look like with this person? How can you show love in the midst of drawing boundaries?
  5. Have you ever witnessed a narcissist take steps to change? If so, what triggered action?

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