Link to Books:
Finding the Words by Alan Wolfelt
Heaven for Kids by Randy Alcorn
Helping Kids Grieve: Navigating Loss with Love and Understanding
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and when a loved one dies, it’s something we all must go through—even children. Though it’s hard to see kids in pain, grieving is part of the healing process. Any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve. In fact, one of the ways we heal is by embracing that hurt. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary to truly integrate the loss, release the pain, and eventually live and love fully again.
Understanding Grief and Mourning
Grief is the internal emotional pain we feel after losing someone we love. It’s a mix of thoughts and feelings that happen inside. Mourning, on the other hand, is how we express that grief outwardly, often in shared rituals with others. Everyone’s grief journey is unique—some may experience intense pain, while others may grieve in quieter ways.
The way we experience grief depends on factors like the age of the child, the closeness of the relationship, and the circumstances of the death. But one thing is clear: grief doesn’t simply go away with time. It needs active mourning to be processed and eventually released. As grief expert Alan Wolfelt writes, the key is not to avoid the pain but to walk through it.
Grieving with Kids: Tips for Parents
When helping children grieve, it’s important to meet them where they are. If we walk beside them, rather than in front of them, we can guide them through their emotions with love and patience. Here are some practical tips to help you support your kids:
- Have Multiple Short Conversations: Instead of one long talk, try to have several short conversations whenever your child brings something up. This creates space for ongoing expression of grief.
- Use Simple, Honest Language: Use the word “death” and explain it simply: “When someone dies, their body stops working. They can’t walk, talk, or breathe anymore.”
- Expect Regression: Kids might show signs of regression, such as acting younger than their age or clinging more. This is a normal part of their grief.
- Prepare for Grief Bursts: Be ready for sudden emotional outbursts. Grief can hit in unexpected moments, and it’s okay for kids to express their emotions freely.
- Model Healthy Grieving: Children often imitate the way adults grieve. If they see you handling your grief in a healthy way, they’ll learn to do the same.
- Maintain Routine: Keeping routines as normal as possible can provide comfort and stability during a chaotic time.
- Include Kids in Funeral Activities: Prepare them in advance for what will happen during the funeral. Let them participate in ways that feel appropriate for their age.
- Encourage Artistic Expression: Art can be a great way for kids to express their feelings. Use techniques like the “5 face” method to help them explore emotions like sadness, anger, happiness, fear, and worry.
Talking About Heaven
Many parents struggle with how to talk about heaven after a loved one passes. Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven for Kids is a wonderful resource for explaining this concept to young children. It offers a beautiful picture of what heaven could be like and can help explain the Gospel and the hope of being reunited with loved ones. Whether talking about someone who knew Jesus or explaining the hope of eternal life, it can be comforting for kids to know that heaven is a place of peace and joy.
Final Thoughts
Helping your child navigate grief is not about having all the answers, but about being there with them through the process. Grief can be a tough road, but with patience, compassion, and a willingness to walk alongside them, your child will learn to heal in their own way and time. Through this difficult journey, you both can find comfort in knowing that healing is possible—together.
