When to Call In a Pro in Your Marriage Mentoring

Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.

If you are a marriage mentor, or thinking about becoming one, take comfort in the fact that you aren’t a professional counselor. Your job is to mentor, not to delve into someone’s pathology. Remember, a marriage mentor is about helping another couple discover and apply the truth of God’s word to their marriage. Your job isn’t to deal with the deeper, underlying issues. Those things need to be dealt with in a professional setting.

#1 Listen to Your “Gut”

If you feel like one person or one issue is always dominating the conversation, then there may be deeper issues going on. If you feel like one person doesn’t seem open to change, then there may be deeper issues that need to be dealt with. Trust your “gut” and the sense you get about a couple and if they have a desire to be healthy.

#2 Don’t Get Stuck in the Past

If a couple is unable to grasp or apply the truth because they’re too hung up on the past, or their hurt feelings, then a professional setting is better suited for them. The mentoring relationship is not meant to be a long-term solution. Mentoring is for couples who are eager to learn and change. Let the professionals work with those that are stuck.

#3 Don’t Mentor Couples with Abuse Issues

If you discover any kind of abuse patterns- verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual, refer them to a professional right away. Abuse issues are complicated- control for the “abuser” and codependency issues for the “abused”. These dynamics need professional attention to properly address those matters.

#4 Don’t Mentor Couples Who Have Major Struggles with Mental Health

If someone struggles with depression or anxiety that seems to paralyze them from being productive in the marriage or mentoring setting, professional care is needed. There are physiological and cognitive dynamics that need to be addressed by a professional who specializes and understands these issues.

#5 Don’t Mentor Couples Who Struggle with Addictions

If you’re dealing with a couple who has substance abuse issues or sexual addictions with pornography, a professional setting is most appropriate. Getting the addict help for the addiction, first, is of utmost importance. Once the addict has sought counseling for their addiction and has demonstrated sobriety, then you can add marriage mentoring into the equation.

There are many other reasons when a professional counselor is required. Here’s the point, if you feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to proceed with a couple, then introduce professional help. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation that exceeds your training. You aren’t failing as a mentor to say you can’t help someone. Pretending to be helpful would only prove to be detrimental to the couple and to you as a marriage mentor.