Reclaim intimacy in your marriage by re-writing your rulebook together.
Talking Points:
- Your Rulebook for Sex is your unconscious belief about how sex should work in marriage.
- Re-writing your “Rulebook”:
- Discover together your stories and expectations for sex. (Were your parents playful and affectionate or cold and distant? Do you have a sex history that has brought shame or pain? How healthy is your personal body image?)
- Work together to meet each other’s needs in this area. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
- Make adjustments outside of the bedroom to improve your sex life.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- What did your parents model for you regarding sex and intimacy growing up? How did that impact your view of intimacy as an adult?
- Think about your engagement. What did you think intimacy in the bedroom would look like your first year of marriage? How about at year five? How did those expectations measure up to reality?
- Identify one or two things that are in your personal “rulebook”. What are one or two things you guess are in your spouse’s “rulebook”?
- Read 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. Paul first says to fulfill the needs of one another before saying to give your spouse authority over your body. Why is that important? What do you think it means practically to give your spouse authority over your body?
- What are some things you need to put in your couple’s “rulebook” that represents both of your needs and expectations?
- What are the outside the bedroom distractions and stressors impacting your intimacy in the bedroom?
- What adjustments need to be made in your lives to make room for intimacy?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Adapted from the book Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman.
