People matter to God, and that means relationships are valuable. In the Garden of Eden, Adam had everything. Yet God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Then God provided him with a partner. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 mentions several benefits of having friends. But what if you struggle to make friends? The acronym GIFT outlines four steps to help you out:
Greet
To start a relationship, just say hello to someone. It could be a co-worker or neighbor. Every relationship starts with an initial connection. Small talk is a great skill to help with greeting people. Bring up simple topics related to the context, like your neighbor’s yard or a co-worker’s project. Keep a couple of easy questions in mind to help get a brief conversation going.
Invite
Take the next step by inviting the other person to something you think may interest them. It could just be out to lunch or to your home for a meal. Great friendships require some intentionality. When you invite, have a place and time in mind. But don’t get discouraged when they can’t make it. Don’t take rejection personally. People are busy. Try again later.
Follow up
Once you’ve spent some time together, check in with your new friend. Relationships, like anything else, will die from neglect. You can send a text or make a phone call. Use your calendar to set up a reminder. Then think about where you left the conversation last, and ask how it’s going..
Thank
Both of you win when you express gratitude to the other person for their role in your life. They will be encouraged, and you will become more content.
Don’t get discouraged when it isn’t easy. Relationships are dynamic and fluid. Making a friend is not usually a straight line without detours and obstacles. So stick with it. Also, people are fallible. So making a friend may not go the way we expect. Give each other grace on your journey to friendship.
You can become better at making friends. Look for ways to meet people and use GIFT to start a new relationship, or challenge yourself in an existing one. Choose one letter from the acronym and set a goal. Write someone’s name down. Set a time or day to do it. It may not always be easy, but you will be blessed by connecting with others.
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- How many close friends do you have? Is it easy or hard for you to make new friends? Explain.
- What are some good opportunities for you to greet someone?
- List a few small talk questions or topics.
- When was a time you were glad someone invited you to something?
- What are things that you are interested in that you could invite people to?
- What do you think is the best way to check in with the people in your life?
- How often should you follow up with your relationships? Everyone is different, give a few examples.
- When was the last time someone appreciated you? How did it make you feel?
- List some creative ways to thank and appreciate the people in your life.
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
