In this series, we have learned of God’s generous heart toward rule-breakers and rule-keepers alike. In this final lesson, let’s get practical for those who have a prodigal in their lives – and aren’t sure what to do. Who is that person for you? Maybe it’s a child, a friend, even a spouse who has wandered away from God and still hasn’t returned.
How do you help that person? You have confronted them. You have spoken the truth to them, but they’re still lost. Today might be a good time to evaluate your approach, by considering five tips for how to love a prodigal in your life.
Tip #1: Be honest about your own brokenness.
Jesus taught in Luke 6:41-42 that before we offer correction to someone else, we need to look at ourselves: “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” He’s not saying that we should never speak truth to a prodigal, but when we do, we should recognize our own weakness and sin first.
Some of us don’t really own up to our brokenness. Like the older brother in the parable (Luke 15:29-30), we assume that the prodigal is the only real sinner in our family or friend group. That attitude can come across as unapproachable or holier-than-thou. Yet when we acknowledge our own sinfulness, our humility can open a person’s heart to hear.
When we’re honest about our brokenness, we’re actually modeling the gospel. God’s good news message is not about measuring up. It’s about broken people (like us) who need Jesus, not just at the beginning of the Christian life, but every day.
Tip #2. Be the one to absorb the offense.
Be aware of an unhealthy cycle we can fall into with a prodigal. When they sin, we get frustrated and come down hard. As a result, they want to rebel even more. We, in turn, become even more unforgiving and judgemental.
Someone has to break the cycle. Romans 15:1-2 says that this is the obligation of those who are spiritually stronger, as. we bear with the failings of those who are weak in faith. The greatest example of this is Jesus himself. He absorbed the offense of our sins for us, even though we didn’t deserve it. In practice, this could mean reacting with patience and gentleness to your prodigal’s offenses. For example, sometimes it’s better not to point out a problem – especially if it’s something you’ve brought up often in the past.
As the unhealthy cycle is broken, this creates an environment in your home or friend group that the prodigal will want to return to. In the parable, when the son was at his lowest point, he thought of his father and his home favorably (Luke 15:17-19). If the prodigal in your life is a family member, is your home a place where they would want to return one day? Is it a gracious, loving environment? As we saw in Luke 15:7, the culture of heaven is to rejoice when a lost person is found. What is the culture in your home – judgment or joy?
Tip #3. In your extravagance, don’t enable sin.
This raises a challenging question: if we absorb an offense, are we enabling sin? Galatians 6:1-2 calls us to actively seek to restore someone who is overcome by some sin. How do we confront sin while being patient with it? Sometimes we can push too hard. At other times we don’t push hard enough.
The case could be made that in the parable, the prodigal’s father enabled his son’s sin by giving him his inheritance early. That gave the young man the means to pursue a wild life (Luke 15:13). But the son moved far away from his father’s influence. When we have an ongoing relationship with a prodigal, how far does forbearance go before it becomes enabling? There is no simple answer. You need to work this out by talking with your spouse, godly friends, a pastor, or a mentor. Just remember that your prodigal is ultimately responsible for his or her own choices, which leads to the next point.
Tip #4. Stop trying to control every outcome.
Jesus offers great wisdom for every anxious situation in our lives: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34). His point is that God is in control; we’re not.
This attitude is reflected in the famous “Serenity Prayer”: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” In the end, we cannot change or control the prodigals in our lives. They must make their own decisions.
Let’s be honest: sometimes the way we express disapproval to our prodigals is really just an attempt to control them. Even though they already know where we stand, we feel the need to express our displeasure again and again. Why? I suspect many of us use disapproval to apply pressure to get them to comply. Yet whatever approach you might use to control the prodigals around us, remember that even God the Father doesn’t make our decisions for us. He doesn’t force us to pursue him. So instead of worrying over and trying to control anyone, here’s our final principle…
Tip #5. Pray that God will do whatever it takes.
In John 16:7-8, Jesus explained that when he left for heaven, he would send the Holy Spirit: “When he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.” This is a great reminder for those of us who love prodigals. Only the Holy Spirit can bring them to their senses (Luke 15:17). We can’t convict anyone of sin. When you try, it never works because it’s not your job. Only the Holy Spirit can change anyone’s heart.
That’s why our recourse is to pray. In John 16, even Jesus made way for the Holy Spirit. He left so that the Spirit could do what he does. How much more does that apply to moms, dads, mentors, and friends who are tempted to do the Spirit’s job in a prodigal’s life? Be willing to leave room for the Holy Spirit to do his part.
As you pray for your prodigal, keep Philippians 1:6 in mind:
I am certain that God, who began the good work in you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
There is hope for every prodigal. We do our part by having the right attitude as we interact wisely with them. Then we trust God to do what only he can do to bring the prodigal home.
