How to Avoid Being a Gossip

Gossip is when you’re talking about people behind their back. It’s socializing at someone else’s expense. While we might assume gossip is something that only goes on during the school years, even grown adults can be gossipers if they don’t learn to stop when they’re younger.

Gossiping Is Lame

The problem with gossiping is it’s a way for the gossiper to feel better about themselves or to elevate themselves while lowering the person being gossiped about. So really, you’re not getting any cooler by gossiping, you just think you are…and that’s lame.

The thing about gossiping is It’s hurtful. It hurts the person being gossiped about when they find out about what’s been said. But even if they never find out, you hurt their reputation and cause others to think badly about them. Even if what’s being said is partially true, you don’t know everything about people and why they make certain choices over others, why they look a certain way or why they only have a certain amount of money. You don’t know what people are going through and what they’ve suffered or overcome. That’s why you have to make the choice not to be a gossip.

You can try to avoid gossiping, but sometimes gossiping finds you. It comes up in the locker room, when you’re out with friends, or at lunch. So what can you do if someone starts gossiping around you?

Opt-Out of Gossip

There’s a couple of ways to diffuse gossip if it starts up while you’re around.

Counter it. If someone starts gossiping about someone you know, say something good. It doesn’t matter what the good thing is. The point is that without directly saying “stop talking badly about them,” you sort of are saying it by counteracting the bad with the good. Others will pick up on it. For every bad thing shared, share a good thing. Keep communicating that subtle, unspoken message: “Gossiping is lame.”

You could also be more direct. You could remind others that if they weren’t around, they wouldn’t want everyone talking badly about them. Believe it or not, a lot of people would respect you for standing up and saying no to gossip. But you should be kind and polite even to the people who are gossiping. Don’t make them feel bad, even if they were trying to make others feel bad. That’s a vicious cycle that will never end. Break the cycle.

Whatever you do, opt-out of gossiping. Whether you try to counter it or to directly tell others to quit it, you have to make the choice to be the antidote to gossip when it comes up in your friend circles.

Toxic Gossip

Another thing to remember is that you have to pay attention to who you hang out with. If your “friends” fill their time with gossip and refuse to stop, there’s a good chance they’re gossiping about you, too. And if you decide you’ve had enough, don’t be surprised if you become the target of their gossip.

When people consistently prove that they are gossips and they don’t have any plans to change, those people are showing, whether they know it or not, that they are toxic, and you need to take steps to find a healthy distance from them. It doesn’t mean you cut them out of your life completely, but if they won’t allow your positive influence to change them, you have to make sure their negative influence isn’t changing you.

Who do you want to surround yourself with? What kind of person do you want to be? These are hard choices you must learn to make, and gossip is one type of “mirror” that will show this to you more and more as you grow up.