Today we’ll talk about Three Types of Grief – and how to harness it for good
First a theological note: Grief was not a part of Eden and it won’t be a part of Heaven.
Revelation 21:4 (NLT) He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.
It is a result of the fall, and sin lies at the root of it. Because humanity has rejected God’s ways, the conditions of loss exist at the heart of the human experience.
But there is a good side. That’s what we’ll talk about in each of these three types of grief…
“Victim” grief is sorrow because of someone’s deep sin against you.
Some of you have experienced deep relational wounds
False accusations
It’s real grief, and you’ll hit some stages – first anger, then deep sadness, ultimately a desire to pull away
That’s how you know it’s bad: isolation
Pull away from people (enemy wants this)
Pull away from God (opposite of resilient)
Genesis 3:8-9 (NLT) When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. Then the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
Q. How can this possibly be good?
It can open you up to deeper relationships. God gives us people to support us in our sadness. When you want to isolate yourself, force yourself to engage with others.
Romans 12:15 (NLT) Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.
It can open you up to a deeper relationship with God. God can use sorrow to develop greater dependence on him.
Psalms 73:21, 23 Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside…. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
“Guilt” grief is sorrow over your own sin. (see last week)
Selfish life patterns or self-centered goals. Loving the wrong things in life. Making bad choices. Peter is an example:
Matthew 26:75 (NLT) Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And he went away, weeping bitterly.
Have you been there?
Q. How can this possibly be good?
God can use guilt grief to purify what we value. It can cause you to evaluate what things really matter enough to truly be mourned.
2 Corinthians 7:10 (NLT) For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
Two kinds of sorrow (grief) there:
Worldly sorrow (lacks repentance)
Godly sorrow
God can use sadness to enlarge our souls. Sorrow can make you a deeper, wiser person. Until you’ve experienced affliction, you’ll have a superficial view of life. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
CS Lewis: “God whispers to us in our pleasure but he shouts to us in our pain.”
“Bereavement” is grief over the loss of a loved one, and even Jesus experienced it.
Death is bad, not part of God’s original plan
John 11:33, 38 (NLT) When Jesus saw Mary weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled…. Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb…
Jesus was angry at death – it wasn’t right.
Second stage of grief
Q. How can this possibly be good?
Sorrow can be good when God uses our sadness to help others with their sorrow. Sorrow can make you more compassionate. We can show empathy and care for others because we can relate to their pain. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Example: Joanne Smith
Grief can draw us closer to Jesus
Psalms 34:18 (NLT) The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Isaiah 53:3-4 (NLT) He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief…. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
Sorrow points us to the ultimate hope
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NLT) And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.
As with every other difficult emotion, harnessing grief is only possible for those who have trusted Jesus for salvation. He gives us new, resilient hearts.
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT) “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”
Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT) And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
Talking Points:
Grief was not a part of Eden and it won’t be a part of Heaven. It is a result of the fall, but there is a good side. Revelation 21:4
“Victim” grief is sorrow because of someone’s deep relational sin against you. You’ll be tempted to isolate because of this, but God can use it to draw you into healing community. Psalm 73:21-23
“Guilt” grief is sorrow over your own sin. This is good when it’s “godly sorrow” – the kind that leads you to true repentance. Matthew 26:75, 2 Corinthians 7:10
“Bereavement” is grief over the loss of a loved one, and even Jesus experienced it. This sorrow can make us more compassionate, draw us closer to Jesus, and point us to our ultimate hope in heaven. Psalm 34:18, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
As with every other difficult emotion, harnessing grief is only possible for those who have trusted Jesus for salvation. He gives us new, resilient hearts. Proverbs 4:23, Ezekiel 36:26
Discussion:
Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
What does it mean that grief “is a result of the fall”? Do you think heaven will be less interesting without grief? Explain.
Think of a time when someone’s sin against you made you deeply sad. Were you tempted to isolate yourself from others? Who helped pull you out of it?
Read 2 Corinthians 7:10. What’s the difference between “worldly sorrow” and “godly sorrow”? Have you ever experienced them? Explain.
List the three ways bereavement can be harnessed for good. Have you experienced any of these?
“Harnessing grief is only possible for those who have trusted Jesus for salvation.” Why is this true? Have you trusted Jesus for salvation? Learn more
The official faith and life podcast for the discipleship resources at pursueGOD.org. Great for families, small groups, and one-on-one mentoring. New sermonlink topics every Friday.
