We usually give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, but often deny it to others. Yet this way of thinking is toxic for relationships.
Talking Points:
- It’s hard to give others the benefit of the doubt. When we make mistakes, we let ourselves off the hook. If someone else does, we look for reasons of why the other person failed.
- When we don’t give the benefit of the doubt, we end up assassinating one another’s character and thinking the absolute worst about one another. We do things like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
- Using “I feel” statements helps you to have healthy communication and gets you thinking about solutions rather than simply criticizing one another. Ephesians 4:32
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Do you have an example of when you let yourself off the hook but really hammered someone else for doing something similar to you? What happened?
- Have you ever felt that your character was “assassinated” by your spouse? What happened?
- Which of the 4 Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) do you see in your relationship? How have those behaviors wreaked havoc in your marriage?
- Read Ephesians 4:32. How can “I feel” statements help you communicate clearly and respectfully with your spouse or partner? Explain.
- How can you take the practical step of praying with and for your spouse or partner?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
