Do you know your spouse better than their bestie? You should, and a love map can help.

Talking Points:

  • If you want to truly know your spouse and anticipate their needs, you need to take the time to get to know them more deeply.
  • John Gottman refers to this process as developing your love map. The idea is that you spend time getting to know everything about your spouse – down to their salad dressing choice – to demonstrate that you want to know every part of them.
  • Sample questions:
    1. What’s your favorite dessert?
    2. What’s your favorite movie?
    3. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
    4. Who is your best friend?
    5. What’s your favorite way to relax?
    6. What’s your least favorite chore?
    7. What is your biggest stress right now?
    8. What are your goals for the next five years?
    9. How do you feel about your job right now?
    10. What do you see our kids’ future to be like?
    11. What qualities do you most value in a friend?

This topic is adapted from the The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Discussion Questions:
  1. Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you think you know your spouse? Explain.
  3. How do you know when a friendship goes from casual to intimate? What does it communicate to you when someone doesn’t bother to get to know you?
  4. How did you get to know your spouse in your dating years? What was the motivation back then?
  5. Why do you think most couples stop “dating” once they’re married? How has your view of cultivating intimacy in your relationship changed since being married?
  6. In what areas of life could you get to know and understand your spouse more? How can you identify those areas?
  7. Read Genesis 2:22-24. Why do you think God decided to create woman from man? What are the implications of that on the nature of the relationship? What do you think it means to be “one” with your spouse?
  8. Read Proverbs 5:18-19. Identify all that these verses say a husband should do/see in his wife? Rewrite these verses in your own words. How does developing your love map help you to accomplish what these verses are saying?
  9. Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?

 

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email