Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.
“Toxic” people are people who have a negative effect on your life. Not everyone who is “toxic” to you is “toxic” to everyone else in their life. It could just be that you rub each other the wrong way. We’re all going to meet these people, and part of growing up is learning to deal well with tough relationships. Parents, you can help.
Toxic People
For tween and teens today, toxicity can show up in many ways. For a lot of adolescent girls, being part of the in-crowd, gossiping, and purposely excluding others is often the name of the game. This is all about insecurity. If you’re the one doing the gossiping and excluding, then you’re not being excluded and gossiped about.
For adolescent boys, it’s a lot of the same, though it just looks different. Boys tend to be rougher and more physical by nature, so bullying can become an issue on top of gossiping and exclusion. And social media can really make things complicated these days.
We Can All Be Toxic Sometimes
Being toxic doesn’t mean you’re toxic all the time. Sometimes we can become toxic without really thinking about it. When we refuse to stand up for people being picked on because we’re afraid of how we’ll look or we allow ourselves to keep the gossip going, we’re being toxic. Peer pressure can create a snowball effect.
We Can Only Control Ourselves
Over time, we start to see who the toxic people around us are, and most of us will separate ourselves from those people as we age. In the long run, people who don’t recognize they’re toxic and quit it end up lonely and miserable because mature adults don’t have the time and energy to surround themselves with toxic people.
Who Are the Bad Influences?
Parents, you can help your kids think about who the toxic people and groups in their lives are. Kids, this will take courage. Adolescence is a tough time when it comes to your self-identity and self-esteem, and walking away from a friend or friend group that you come to realize is toxic can be scary. Parents, you’ll need to be supportive.
Another challenge is not becoming toxic yourself as you step away from toxic people. While it’s important not to let toxic people dominate your life, they’re still people, and they may very well be acting out because of bad situations in their lives. Even if you have to move someone to the “outer circle” of your life, you can still be a friend, and you can still be there for them if a time comes when they realize they’ve been toxic and they need to change.
We can’t control other people, but we can control ourselves. Talking together as a family can help you help each other when it comes to drawing boundaries with the toxic people in all of our lives.
- What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Share some examples of things toxic people do. Why do you think they do those things?
- How do you go about deciding if someone is toxic? Explain.
- What are some examples of toxicity you’ve seen at school, in sports, or other areas? Parents, do you have any stories from when you were in high school or junior high?
- Are there times you’ve been toxic, maybe without realizing it until later? Explain.
- Read Proverbs 13:20. What is this proverb saying about the company we keep? How has this proven to be true in your life?
- How can you be the antidote to toxicity in your circle of influence?
- What do you think are healthy boundaries with the toxic people you know? Explain.
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
