Talking Points:
- Boundary markers show us where one property ends and another begins. Here’s the paradox: recognizing those markers in marriage will make for a better union, not a more disjointed one.
- Your spouse can’t control how you feel. That’s on you. You are responsible for your emotions and you have to be brave enough to articulate them to your spouse.
- The Law of exposure says you need to voice your desires and needs so your spouse can get on the same page. Your spouse can’t read your mind so you have to share your expectations and be ready to compromise.
- Work: You can’t do everything for everyone so be honest with your spouse about your limitations.
- Time: You don’t have to spend all your time together. It’s okay to ask for some free time.
- It takes two people with tender, responsive hearts to make a marriage great.
Discussion:
- Read the talking points above as a group, including scripture references. What are your initial thoughts about these points or about the podcast lesson (see audio above)?
- Share about a couple whose marriage you admire and respect. What do you notice is different about their relationship from most marriages? How do you feel your marriage compares?
- Have you tried to blame your spouse for your feelings in the past? Explain. How have you tried to manage your spouse’s feelings? Why won’t that work?
- Share a time your spouse missed meeting one of your expectations. How did that make you feel? How could you better articulate what you want or need?
- How do you differ from your spouse in terms of work ethic? How would clarifying boundaries help alleviate conflict in this area?
- Do you and your spouse have individual interests? Explain. How can you free your spouse to pursue those interests more? How can your spouse give you the gift of free time?
- Read Ephesians 5:25-26. Jesus demonstrated selfless love for us. How does this challenge you to love your spouse sacrificially? What does that look like for you? How are boundaries a useful tool in loving your spouse well?
See Also:
View the FlexTalk version of this topic.
Adapted from Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.