Blending Families: Co-parenting with the Ex

Talking Points:

• You may have ended your marriage, but for the sake of the kids, you have to find a way to work together. You still have a job to do in raising your kids. Use these tips to help establish a productive relationship with your ex.
  • Tip #1: Divorce didn’t end your family but it did re-organize it. Remember that your kids suffer, too.
  • Tip #2: Don’t put the kids in the middle of your junk. You can’t use your kids as the conduit of communication and can’t complain about the other parent to your kids. Your kids have nothing to do with your marital discord. Leave them out of it.
  • Tip #3: Find productive ways to communicate. It may be best via text messages or through email. Whatever you decide, be sure to have a productive forum with which to communicate issues regarding the kids.
  • Tip #4: Be ready to compromise. You won’t get every holiday you want and you may need to be ready to change parent time schedules due work or other outside forces. The quicker you both can get to a spirit of compromise, the easier it is for the kids to go back and forth.
  • Tip #5: Remember how hard it is for the kids. They are the ones that have to go back and forth between families. It’s like they belong to two different countries. Each home has its own language, customs, traditions, and expectations. Your kids are constantly having to adjust. Make the transition as easy as possible for them.
  • Tip #6: You can’t control what happens in the other home so stop worrying about it. You can’t force your ex or their spouse to enforce your rules in their home. If cooperation and consistency is impossible between homes, talk about it with your kids. Acknowledge how hard it must be for them to have differing rules in each home.