The Principles Behind Flex Parenting for Teens

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There are certain values and reasonings that make up the core of flex parenting. These principles help explain the heart and rationale behind behind the flex method as it relates to parenting, especially the parenting of teens

Principle #1 Discovery

There is an inherent value in conversation, when people are actively engaging and discussing a topic and this is where this concept of the discovery comes into flex parenting. As parents when you want to teach a lesson or an important value, you often want to simply sit your teen down and lecture them on a way to think about something, but that approach doesn’t necessarily mean that they will really embrace that point of view as their own. Instead, flex parenting focuses on the discovery approach where there is meaningful conversation, and the teen can come to know those values from their own point of view. This does not mean that every idea your teen has is going to be good or healthy, it simply gives them the space and respect to voice those thoughts in conversation. You still hold the role of parent in the end, but using these tools you can hopefully help them discover God’s truth in their better choices.

Principle #2 Ownership

Closely tied to the principle of discovery is ownership. It is the goal of flex parenting that teens especially are discovering God’s truth in their lives, and taking ownership of their faith and values and how they are choosing to live that out. Through those meaningful, and sometimes difficult, conversations teens are creating standards for their lives and learning to accept consequences for their actions. We want our children to be able to leave the house with ownership over their faith, and not just ready to throw out the ways of their parents and start over because they never fully bought into any of it. Part of this principle involves using the conversational method to deal with conflict. Instead of parents lecturing a teen when they’ve made a poor choice, opening up the conversation allows the teen to think about, explain, and work through their actions. Using the tools in the flex method is a great safeguard against overreacting in the moment from parents, allowing them to take a step back and focus on the heart of the issue. The ownership is in the teen’s hands with this method.

Principle #3 Empowerment

Ultimately, the goal of the Flex Method and Flex Parenting is to help others pursue God. And, by giving your teens the space to discover truth and the ability to take ownership over their faith, beliefs, and values, you are setting them up to be able to then go out and help others. Using the flex method in your parenting, you are not only modeling to your teens how to live their own life but also how to reach out and help others. They can use those same tools they saw you use to help others who may be going through some of the same struggles or life circumstances they went through. Not only is it good for their own Christian faith, it’s also helping someone else in their pursuit of God. This is what Jesus wanted us to do in the first place.