Being a parent of teens is so challenging. It can feel like a constant game of chess. Teenagers have stronger opinions and peers who influence them so it can get complicated quickly. But parents, we have to be brave. Our teens may think they’re smarter and wiser than we are, but they are still kids. We still have to parent our teens and teach them what’s right and wrong. They may not like us for it all the time but that can’t dissuade us from finishing the job.
One of the most common mistakes parents of teens make is trying to be more of a friend than a disciplinarian. There is a place for a friendship to grow but that’s not our primary role quite yet. This idea is really rooted more in fear than anything else. Many parents are “afraid” to lose their teens so they give in to make them happy. Others compensate for their own childhood woes with controlling parents and think the opposite is the answer. Either way, we still have to lead our kids whether they like it or not. Parents that end up surviving the teen years do it from a place of confidence. You know where you’re leading your teen toward so take charge and blaze the path.
There are a few principles that can help you to do just that. It’s what we’ll focus on today and it’s what the PG resources help you to do.
Principle 1: Discovery
The principle of discovery: instead of lecturing your kids, have a conversation where your teenager can express their own thoughts and opinions and discover the truth for themselves.
- According to the Thinking Kid, “Hands-on learning better engages both the left and right sides of the brain. On the left side of the brain, listening and analyzing processes occur. The right side handles visual and spatial processes. By using multiple styles of learning, the brain creates better connections and can store more relevant information.”
- Adds critical thinking skills.
- The opposite of discovery: lecturing, “Because I said so”
When we lecture, our teens just check out. They don’t feel like they have any real part to play so they sit passively. The principle of discovery encourages them to engage and are invited into the conversation. It gives them a space to express their perspective. When they feel heard and part of the plan, they will be much more likely to follow the rules. And, encouraging them to discover the “why” behind things like curfews or dating boundaries helps them to internalize the boundaries and they will own those when they leave your home. This is what the second principle is about.
Principle 2: Ownership
The principle of ownership: the ultimate goal of parenting is that our kids leave the house with the values we’ve passed on to them firmly rooted in their hearts. That happens when your teen owns those values for themselves.
This is the ultimate goal-our kids leave our home and live out the values we’ve taught them. Instead of being just “renters” of your values that they tolerate while you’re watching, they become “owners” and those values become their values influencing their future choices.
