What to Say When People Ask Why You’re Not Dating

You’re at dinner with the family, and your aunt asks for the hundredth time why you aren’t dating. You’ve been okay with not dating for a while, now. How do you handle these interactions?

Video Highlights:

• The question “are you dating anybody?” is implying a few things. A lot of times people think you are wasting your time by not jumping into a relationship. Identity and value are on the table, too. People are often projecting their expectations onto you when they ask about your love life, and a lot of times those expectations might not reflect the kind of life you want to be living or that you feel God is calling you to in the season you’re currently in.
• What are some responses we often have when we’re asked the uncomfortable dating question? Fully true or not, it’s easy to pass yourself off as being too busy with school, work, church, etc., but this misdirect often fails to get the nosey family members off your back.
• At the end of the day, it comes down to a values issue. People usually ask you if you’re dating because they’re trying to push you to seek after something that they or society says you should be doing at this point in your life. When you’re in school they ask about school because that’s what you’re “supposed” to be doing. But once you get out of school, the next “life stage” is to find a spouse, and if you’re not doing that, it’s kind of like if you didn’t study or do homework in school: “How are you ever going to finish school if you don’t work at it?” And how are you ever going to find someone if you don’t focus on dating? Now’s the time!
• Dating isn’t bad, but for some people, it’s not the right time. Dating shouldn’t define you. You should be content in Jesus Christ whether or not you’re dating. So what’s a healthy response to your well-meaning friends and family who seem bent on forcing you to start dating whether you like it or not?
• You should focus on your relationship with God before you focus on your relationship with someone else. Throwing in the added pressure of a new relationship can often complicate your walk with God. It’s all about trusting Jesus to deliver on his promises to provide all we need in his timing (Matthew 6:33). A boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse is not going to satisfy you like God will, and if you want to have a healthy, fulfilling, long-term relationship that leads to a godly marriage, you have to “clean up your own backyard” before you jump into someone else’s.

Don’t let a boyfriend, girlfriend, or your family’s prodding dominate your life. Learn who you are in Christ before diving head-first into a relationship, and trust God to provide what you need in his timing. Your family and friends mean well. Help them understand where you’re coming from.