Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more.
Most people recognize that forgiveness is a virtue, yet few people actually practice it in their lives. Unforgiveness is toxic to your relationships and even to your personal health. Bitterness is a cup of poison one person drinks – and then waits for the other person to die.
Forgiveness is about choosing to release
When you forgive, you’re making the choice to release something. You release your anger or bitterness toward someone. You release the internal desire to blame someone. You release your right to vengeance, to making someone pay for what they did.
Romans 12:19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.
Forgiveness is a trained response
Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to anyone. If you’re waiting to feel like forgiving, you’ll never do it. By nature, we want to hold a grudge, to point the finger, to make someone pay. But the act of forgiveness goes beyond our natures. It extends grace rather than demanding justice. And it takes a lot of practice. Forgiveness becomes a habit by choice, or bitterness becomes a habit by default. That’s why Jesus commanded us to forgive habitually.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!”
Forgiveness is not optional for Christians
Followers of Jesus embrace the honor code of Jesus. At the core of that code is the idea of forgiveness. Jesus released us from the demands of the law. He absorbed the wrath of God for our sake when he went to the cross. And he expects us to be a people who habitually extend forgiveness.
Colossians 3:12-13 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
If you struggle with unforgiveness in your life, try asking these three simple questions:
- What is your motivation for not forgiving?
- Do you really understand grace?
- Is your sin really different?
Jesus calls us to forgive, and doing it will change our lives and others.
Discussion Questions:
- Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
- What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
- If you can, share about a time when someone hurt you with their words or actions. Did it make you angry? On a scale of 1-10, how hard was it to forgive that person? Explain.
- Think about someone who hurt you. Do you think that person is at peace with what they’ve done? Explain.
- Read Matthew 18:21-22. “You have the right to be healed.” Do you agree? Do you need the offender to ask for forgiveness before you can heal? Why or why not?
- Do you think you will hurt other people if you remain bitter and refuse to forgive? Explain.
- Read Colossians 3:13. Do you think forgiveness can set you free? What will it take to get there?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
