About This Series
Welcome to PG’s official Pre-marriage course! Here’s how it works:
- Download the Workbook and fill out the “Couple’s Survey” on page 3. Share your answers with your pre-marriage mentors and be ready to talk about this in your introductory meeting.
- Meet with a marriage mentoring couple for at least five weeks. Here’s the schedule:
- Week 1: Introductions and review of the Couple’s Survey.
- Optional topic: God’s Design for Marriage
- Weeks 2-4: Cover lessons 01-03 in the series. Click on the tabs below for resources.
- Note: be sure to listen to the lesson podcast each week and come ready to discuss your answers.
- Week 5: If necessary, discuss your wedding ceremony details. See pages 10-11 in the workbook for samples.
- Want to go longer than 5 weeks? Click on the “#premarriage” tab for more conversation topics.
Learn more at pursueGOD.org/about.
Find The Pursuit at pursueGOD.org/go.
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Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
Talking Points:
- Modern culture depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes. Many couples use this unrealistic standard to measure the quality of love in their marriage.
- The Bible paints a different picture for marital love: Love is a choice, not just a feeling. Love is based on a promise and is represented by our marriage vows. Proverbs 20:25
- The ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church. He gave up his life for his “bride” even though he didn’t feel like it. Ephesians 5:25-27
Discussion:
- Review the Couple’s Survey. Highlight any discrepancies or areas of concern. Revisit those problem areas as you move through each lesson in the series.
- Describe how you think our culture (through entertainment or popular opinion) views love and marriage. Explain. How might those views be fueling the divorce rate in our country?
- Make two lists: (1) good feelings you’ve felt in your relationship (2) bad feelings you’ve felt in your relationship. How have those feelings helped and hurt your relationship?
- Read Proverbs 20:25. Do you think most couples understand the commitment they’re making on their wedding day? Explain. Review the common vows you hear in a wedding. Why do we choose to say those things?
- Read Ephesians 5:25-27. What did Christ do to set his bride (the Church) apart? List some sacrifices you anticipate making once you’re married. Explain your list.
- Homework: Watch the 5 love languages to discover your love languages and come next session with some practical ways you will start speaking your partner’s love language.
See Also:
Trust is Earned, Not Freely Given
Talking Points:
- Trust is relying on the integrity or ability of another person. Your ability to truly trust someone is based on their character, not yours. Deuteronomy 7:9
- Trust is earned, not freely given. That’s why every spouse needs to work hard to earn trust from their spouse everyday.
- Trust is reactive and measurable. Building trust happens slowly over time, like building up a savings account.
- Trust is reactive, but forgiveness is proactive. Extending forgiveness opens the door to restoring broken trust. Colossians 3:12-13
Discussion:
- Review the definition of trust. What is the basis of trust? Describe a time you gave trust to someone who hadn’t proven their integrity to you? What was the result?
- Identify one area where you’ve had a hard time trusting your fiance. Why has it been hard to trust them? Identify an area where your fiance has a hard time trusting you? Why?
- Review the 3 components to trust (reactive, measurable, takes time). Think about that area where your fiance has a hard time trusting you. How will you incorporate these components to start building that trust?
- Read Deuteronomy 7:9. What does it say about God that He is willing to earn our trust? Share ways God has earned your trust.
- Read Colossians 3:12-13. What role does forgiveness play in earning trust? Is there an area where you need to extend forgiveness to your fiance, even if he/she still has trust to earn?
- Homework: Watch What’s Your Apology Language? Be ready to share your insights at the next meeting.
See Also:
Healthy Couples Keep Talking
Talking Points:
- Healthy couples keep talking, even when it leads to conflict. Fighting is good and helpful if you do it the right way. Ephesians 4:29
- Avoid the three unhealthy “Fight Languages”: escalation, withdrawal, and invalidation. These habits become the issues that derail you from talking about the issue you’re trying to solve.
- Healthy communicators use “I feel…because” statements instead of pointing fingers at their spouse. Learn to be an active listener and work together to find solutions.
Discussion:
- How did your parents fight? What did their example teach you about conflict?
- On a scale from 1-10, when you argue how often do you feel like your fiance doesn’t understand your point of view? In your opinion, what contributes to the breakdown?
- What’s your primary “Fight Language”? How has that gotten you into trouble in the past?
- Read Ephesians 4:29. On a scale from 1-10, rate your ability to use your words constructively. In what ways can you improve?
- Review the good habits of communication. Which skill do you need to work on the most? How can those skills help you the next time you have a conflict?
- Why are action steps important in resolving conflict? What is likely to happen if you don’t formulate a plan?
- Homework: Peruse the other topics found in the #premarriage tab and choose a few more topics to do either as a couple or with your marriage mentors.
See Also:
- What’s the Best Way to Start Off a Marriage?
- What’s Your Apology Language?
- What You Need to Know about Sex Before You Get Married
- Trust is Earned, Not Freely Given
- Personality Types In Marriage
- Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
- Let the Budget Be the Bad Guy
- Learning the Third Love Language: Giving Gifts | 5 Love Languages #4
- Learning the Second Love Language: Quality Time | 5 Love Languages #3
- Learning the Fourth Love Language: Acts of Service | 5 Love Languages #5
- Learning the First Love Language: Words of Affirmation | 5 Love Languages #2
- Learning the Fifth Love Language: Physical Touch | 5 Love Languages #6
- Learning the 5 Love Languages
- Learn How To Really Listen to Your Spouse
- Is Sex Before Marriage Normal?
- Is It OK for Christians to Live Together Before They Get Married?
- How Do You Know Someone Is “The One”?
- Here’s What to Do If You Have Had Sex Before Marriage
- Healthy Couples Keep Talking
- God’s Design for Marriage
- Don’t Blow Off Pre-Marriage Counseling
- Develop Your Love Map
- Cohabitation vs. Commitment
- Am I Ready to Get Married?