Bringing Out The Good In Your Emotions
Everyone has emotions, and that's a good thing. Understanding those emotions is another thing- and it's the first key to becoming healthy and whole.
Talking Points:
- Emotions are neutral- not good or bad by nature. It’s your response to your emotions that makes them helpful or hurtful. Ephesians 4:26-27
- Emotional intelligence has two components: self-awareness and other-awareness. This requires understanding how you feel plus empathizing with another person’s perspective. Romans 12:9-10
- Emotional health means you don’t chase perfection- or anything else- to prove your worth. You’re comfortable enough with yourself to admit your strengths and weaknesses. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- In your family growing up, were you encouraged to show emotion? Explain. How has that shaped you as an adult?
- Read Ephesians 4:26-27. Share a time you felt anger about something. What made you feel anger? Did that emotion invoke a healthy or unhealthy response? Explain. Why is it important to not let a day go by without resolving a conflict?
- Define self-awareness in your own words. On a scale from 1-10, how in tune are you with your emotions? Explain. What would others say about you? Explain.
- For emotional health, why is it necessary to know what you’re feeling and also able to explain those emotions? Why does it become toxic when someone can’t articulate how they feel?
- Read Romans 12:9-10. What does empathy look like to you? What are some verbal and non-verbal cues that are helpful in showing empathy? In your opinion, what does it look like to genuinely show love and care for others?
- Identify 3 weaknesses to your personality and 3 strengths. Why is it important to be able to identify both?
- What has shaped your identity up to now? What are some events that have bolstered your self esteem? What are some events that have weakened it? What can you learn from both?
- Read 2 Corinthians 5:17. What does it mean to you that you are a new creation in Christ? How does that impact the way you view yourself- your worth and purpose?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Bouncing Back When Life Gets You Down
Life is full of tests and trials. Emotionally healthy people are ready for anything.
Talking Points:
- Identify your filter: When hard times come, a victim blames others while a victor looks inward. A victim gets defensive while a victor gets motivated. Romans 8:35-39
- Identify your mindset: A fixed mindset says you can only go so far before hitting your ceiling of achievement. A growth mindset says you can always push harder to expand your horizons. Jeremiah 29:11
- Resilience is a tell-tale sign of emotional health. It’s the ability to bounce back from stress, setbacks, and even suffering. Deuteronomy 20:4
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- When you’re faced with a challenge, what’s your typical first response to it?
- Describe a victim mentality in your own words. Do the same for a victor. Where do you put yourself on the continuum of victim and victor? Explain.
- Read Romans 8:35-39. Identify all that this passage says can’t separate us from God’s love. How does this encourage you to have a victor mentality?
- Share a little of your family history. What opportunities did your parents have or not have? How has that shaped your expectations for your life?
- Where would you place yourself on the continuum of a fixed versus growth mindset? Explain. What will it take to move you closer to a growth mindset and how can that impact your future?
- Read Jeremiah 29:11. What does this verse say about the mindset we should have? How do you need to seek God’s plan for your life?
- Read Deuteronomy 20:4. How resilient have you been in your life? Explain. Why is the ability to bounce back a key to emotional health? What is likely to happen if we lack resilience?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Good Relationships And Three Shades of Dysfunction
The company you keep has the power to make you or break you, so choose your friends wisely. Everyone has shades of dysfunction that need to be identified and eliminated.
Talking Points:
- The Toxic person is pessimistic and negative, always tearing people down. Their own insecurities create a chaotic environment that breeds disunity. Ephesians 4:29
- The Loner is lost in his own world, to inwardly focused to be present. They avoid developing authentic, intimate relationships. Hebrews 10:24-25
- The Fake is afraid to speak the truth, for better or worse. They stroke the ego to keep the relationship rather than risking losing it.
- A healthy person has the good of others in mind, no matter the cost. They genuinely celebrate others’ success…but lovingly confront when needed. Proverbs 19:20
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- How have you seen the company you keep affect you, both positively and negatively.
- How are you a toxic person? Why is it hard to be around a negative, pessimistic person? How has a toxic person done lasting damage to you, your family, or co-workers?
- Read Ephesians 4:29. How does this verse apply to a toxic person? How can you improve on living out this verse in your relationships?
- How are you a loner? How has a loner in your life disappointed you?
- Read Hebrews 10:24-25. Why can’t you have authentic relationships without engaging with others?
- In what relationships are you fake? Why have you chosen to be that way? Why do people fear sharing their true feelings? Why do fake relationships breed dysfunction?
- Do you have healthy relationships? Explain. Share how you celebrate with others’ successes?
- Read Proverbs 19:20. Share a time you lovingly confronted someone. Has a friend ever lovingly confronted you about something? How did you respond?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Doing Conflict for the Good of Everyone
Emotional and relational health intersects at conflict resolution. Healthy relationships are marked by good conflict, not by no conflict.
Talking Points:
- Before you fight, analyze your own emotions, motives, and desired outcomes. Guard against the desire to win, and remind yourself that you only have part of the picture. 2 Peter 1:5-7
- When you fight, define your goals at the outset. Try to identify the shared purpose that makes conflict worth the effort. Romans 12:9-10
- Share your perspectives honestly and work toward a “shared pool of meaning.” Be ready to observe distress cues and adjust for safety. James 1:19, Proverbs 12:20
- Find solutions that are mutually agreeable. Be ready to compromise for the greater good. Romans 12:18
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Reflect on one of your worst fights with someone. What went wrong and why?
- Why is it important to first analyze your own thoughts and motives before entering a conversation? How does it change your perspective on a conflict if you remember that you don’t have the full story yet?
- Read 2 Peter 1:5-7. Identify all that this passage says we should exhibit in our lives. How will these traits help us to enter conflict in a godly way?
- Why does identifying shared goals create a safer atmosphere for conflict? Why does it feel unsafe to enter a conversation without knowing the point?
- Read James 1:19 and Proverbs 12:20. How do you know when someone really wants to hear your perspective? How can you demonstrate a desire to hear other perspectives?
- What are some other signs people will exhibit when they feel uncomfortable and ready to shut down in a conflict?
- Read Romans 12:9-10. How can you show genuine love and honor for others, even when you’re at odds over something?
- Read Romans 12:18. What happens to relationships when solutions are never identified? How does that breed distrust among team members or in a marriage? How can solutions promote peace?
- Why is compromise so important in conflict resolution? How do you define the greater good in your relationships?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Find the book Crucial Conversations here.
Three Marks of Good Character
Healthy emotions and relational skills lead to a good life. But the foundation of it all is character.
Talking Points:
- An honorable person believes in doing the right thing. They put the good of others above their own preferences. Romans 12:10, Matthew 19:19, Philippians 4:8
- Acting with integrity means being one and the same person everywhere you are. It’s about being real without being a real jerk. Proverbs 11:3
- A humble person doesn’t suffer from self-importance. They acknowledge their imperfections and look to serve others. Philippians 2:1-8
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Share about a person who you believe acts in honorable ways. How have you determined that their actions are honorable?
- Share about a person who you believe has acted dishonorably? How did you determine that?
- Read Romans 12:10, Matthew 19:19 and Philippians 4:8. Identify what these passages say about honor and what honor should look like. How do you need to grow in your ability to act honorably?
- Define integrity in your own words. How do you respond to a two-faced person? Why is this type of person hard to trust?
- Read Proverbs 11:3. Evaluate yourself. Do you act differently in certain settings and why? How can a lack of integrity destroy relationships?
- In your opinion, can you be authentic while holding back some of your true thoughts for the sake of another? Explain.
- Read Philippians 2:1-8. How did Jesus model humility for us? How can you look to elevate other voices in your sphere of influence?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
Taking Ownership of Your Mistakes
A common character flaw is failing to own your own mistakes. Next time you're temped to point a finger, try the four A's instead.
Talking Points:
- Admit: Look in the mirror and be honest about your mistake. Own your part, and leave it to others to own theirs. Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16
- Apologize: Say “sorry” to anyone affected by your mistake. And avoid the temptation to fish for an apology. Matthew 5:23-24
- Accept: Accept the consequences for your actions. Own the punishment just like you owned the mistake.
- Adapt: Take ownership of the future “you”. Make an honest effort to learn from your mistake and change your behavior. Hebrews 12:1
Discussion Questions:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Share about a time you were in a conflict with someone and they refused to admit any fault. How did that make you feel? What was the end result of that situation?
- Read Proverbs 28:13 and James 5:16. How does admitting our mistakes help us? How does it help others? Why is it hard to admit fault?
- What does a genuine apology look like to you? How has a genuine apology affected your relationship with someone? Share a time you apologized to someone. Why are the words, “I’m sorry” so powerful?
- Read Matthew 5:23-24. What does Jesus say we should do when we discover that we’ve wronged someone?
- Have you ever had to own a mistake and then also suffer the consequences for it? Explain. Why is it important to not play the victim in that situation?
- Read Hebrews 12:1. How have you learned from some of you past mistakes? What does this verse say we should do with our mistakes?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
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- Resilience and the Power of Emotions
- The 10 Laws Of Boundaries
- What Are Boundaries In Relationships?
- How Do I Start a Hard Conversation?
- The Secret to Overcoming Anxiety
- Three Signs of Relational Health
- Four Steps to Expressing Emotions
- Applying EQ in Everyday Environments
- Here’s Why Gossip is Toxic
- 3 Questions for Those Who Struggle with Unforgiveness
- Three Markers of a Self-Aware Person
- God Wants Your EQ
- Triangulation Versus Wise Counsel
- My Big Fat Critical Mouth
- Don’t Let Bad Communication Derail Your Marriage
- The Art of Listening
- How Can I Stop Worrying?
- Sources of Conflict in A Christian Marriage
- Why Am I Always Irritable?
- How Emotions Work
- Addressing Your Anger